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Lord Lucan, the peer wanted for questioning over the death of his childminder and missing since 1974, has been announced as the replacement for Manchester City forward Carlos Tevez by coach Roberto Mancini.
It is thought Lucan was approached by an agent in South Africa who was negotiating the transfer of a player to the Manchester side. After identifying himself to the agent, it is belived Lucan was offered the position of forward to replace the disgraced forward Carlos Tevez. "We are delighted to have someone as distinguished as Lord Lucan in the squad," said coach Roberto Mancini today. "I'm sure he will pick up the language very quickly and will play a vital role in our new squad."
Owing to what are described as "immigration issues" with the Serious Crime Squad, Lucan will only be able to play in the away fixtures of Champions League matches and only in countries that do not have extradition treaties with the UK.
https://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/sport/100625/lord-lucan-signs-for-man-city
Our Weeki Leeks correspondent has just unearthed some amazing new facts about the elusive Lord Lucan. It seems that he settled in Capetown after fleeing Britain in the seventies and had a sex change operation at the Groote Schuur Hospital. He then opened a brothel catering mainly for the rich and well connected.
Lucan operated under the name Lucy Lord for many lucrative years, enjoying protection from the authorities for various services rendered, presumably of the sexual nature.
Lucy is well tanned and still quite slim, with breast implants and regular botox lip injections it looks just like one of the natives.
At seventy six one would expect the old expat to be slowing down, but late last year Lucy was spotted leaving the Geneva clinisc of Dr Herman H Clitterman after a rebore and sleeve procedure, proving there is still life in the old dog.
https://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/features/137850/lord-lucan-still-going-strong
London - Declared 'legally dead' in October 1999 he even got a free TV licence sent to his Nyang'oma Kogelo, Nyanza Province, Kenya PO Box address and Christmas cards signed by Mrs Thatcher.
This weekend the full extent of UK taxpayer largesse to Richard John Bingham, 7th Earl of Lucan, has been exposed.
"He's been on £26,000 a year," a Department for Work, Pensions & Skiving Abroad source commented.
"That's little better than a bit of beer money and absolutely the new Government benchmark for annual handouts to foreign scroungers - like Abu Qatada - in the UK."
Apparently some kindhearted humanitarian lawyer pals of Mrs T fixed up the arrangements ages ago covering essential expenses of life in the tropics.
These legal eagles may also know a thing or two about Lucky Lucan's undeclared British descendants...whose own shyster lawyer careers have prospered like magic.
Details of ex gratia payments to the fugitive Earl may also have been made by these adult children from creaming off client account
expenses and dodgy VAT frauds.
"Of course, they can't prove nothing now the Tories are back in power, heheh," the source continued.
"Wanna see pix of Lucky Lucan playing Blackjack with Barack Obama Senior at Kenya's Treetops Motel, circa 1982?"
https://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/uk/104814/lord-lucan-still-drawing-his-uk-old-age-pension-and-winter-heating-allowance-reports