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Line of Duty:-a Brexit Bonus
I am sure many of you have considered reading 1 of the Brexit threads.
And thought-too long, didn't read. Or-I bet that is just a bunch of old men in a Care Home, saying lots and not listening to anyone else.
So-here by way of apology is a more light-hearted, and definitely waaaaay shorter version. With Line of Duty as part of it, to try and make it a bit less dull.
Bonus? No need to feel guilty about not reading stuff. You can say you have skimmed over the main points. No need to read all the other stuff. So-just 2 characters. Let's call me P. And, purely because it is Line of Duty, let's call the other H....
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
P. What's that?
H. The cassette machine is in for repair. So we're using the old one we used before cassettes-the SPC
P. SPC?
H. The Sky Poker Client
P. Will it work?
H. Yes. As long as we don't change tables.
H. We are here today, under caution, for me to interrogate you about why Boris Johnson is a liar, and responsible, via the OCG Codenamed "Brexit" for all the world's ills
P. I'm sure he is a liar. But surely he had accomplices-the EU, NI, a useless Opposition? Even an electorate?
H. Houl yer whisht. I ask all of the questions. My role here is not to answer questions. Just to show why I am right. And to get answers that prove this.
P. But?
H. Sweet Mother of God. This is not some sort of forum. You are dealing with Hay C-12 now.
P. Have you considered..?
H. I didn't float up the Taff in a bubble. I'm not interested in your opinions. There is only 1 thing I'm interested in, and that is watching bent Johnsons.
P. Doesn't that get dull?
H. Worse than that. I keep scouring the internet for Bent Johnsons-there must be something wrong with the internet. Have I mentioned why i think Johnson is a liar? Ooh-and I've found 3 articles that prove I'm right. As well as 3 articles that were just as clearly wrong, So I've just printed the 3 correct articles. While mentioning that there are no correct articles that state Brexit is anything other than an OCG.
Fade. Available daily on a loop. With occasional different actors. But the same storyline. Every single day.
With probably me looking a lot worse than here
Happy Easter all.
And thought-too long, didn't read. Or-I bet that is just a bunch of old men in a Care Home, saying lots and not listening to anyone else.
So-here by way of apology is a more light-hearted, and definitely waaaaay shorter version. With Line of Duty as part of it, to try and make it a bit less dull.
Bonus? No need to feel guilty about not reading stuff. You can say you have skimmed over the main points. No need to read all the other stuff. So-just 2 characters. Let's call me P. And, purely because it is Line of Duty, let's call the other H....
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
P. What's that?
H. The cassette machine is in for repair. So we're using the old one we used before cassettes-the SPC
P. SPC?
H. The Sky Poker Client
P. Will it work?
H. Yes. As long as we don't change tables.
H. We are here today, under caution, for me to interrogate you about why Boris Johnson is a liar, and responsible, via the OCG Codenamed "Brexit" for all the world's ills
P. I'm sure he is a liar. But surely he had accomplices-the EU, NI, a useless Opposition? Even an electorate?
H. Houl yer whisht. I ask all of the questions. My role here is not to answer questions. Just to show why I am right. And to get answers that prove this.
P. But?
H. Sweet Mother of God. This is not some sort of forum. You are dealing with Hay C-12 now.
P. Have you considered..?
H. I didn't float up the Taff in a bubble. I'm not interested in your opinions. There is only 1 thing I'm interested in, and that is watching bent Johnsons.
P. Doesn't that get dull?
H. Worse than that. I keep scouring the internet for Bent Johnsons-there must be something wrong with the internet. Have I mentioned why i think Johnson is a liar? Ooh-and I've found 3 articles that prove I'm right. As well as 3 articles that were just as clearly wrong, So I've just printed the 3 correct articles. While mentioning that there are no correct articles that state Brexit is anything other than an OCG.
Fade. Available daily on a loop. With occasional different actors. But the same storyline. Every single day.
With probably me looking a lot worse than here
Happy Easter all.
Comments
H burst into the AC12 office shouting where the f..k is P?
M Havent you heard?
H What?
B The Guvnor suspended him and sent him home yesterday.
H What happened.
B Well after the incident with you in the afternoon, there was another one last night.
M What happened in the afternoon H.
H He lost it.
M Yeah but what happened.
H We were interviewing a suspect, and I thought we were getting close to a confession, when he suddenly whipped out an A4 sheet of paper from his pocket, and said "right scumbag lets see how you do with these questions"
M What?
B It was a quiz.
M What?
B He had typed out a load of quiz questions.
M What were the questions?
B The first one was what is the Russian vaccine called.
M The second.
B The second and last question he got to ask him, was what percentage of over 55s have been vaccinated in Germany.
M What happened then?
H The suspect said "these questions are b0ll0cks, no comment".
M Then what happened.
H Well P lurched over the table, grabbed the suspect by the throat, and started throttling him, while shouting you will answer my questions.
M Jesus.
H I had to stop the interview there, and the suspect never said a word after that.
B His face was purple.
H Beetroot, so what happened last night?
B I got the suspect back out for another interview, and it was going quite well. I had started to build a rapport with him when P blurted out, "tell me some benefits of Brexit".
B The suspect just looked blank.
M I was watching it and P looked really tense.
B Then he lurched over the table and grabbed him by the throat again.
M This time he was shouting "you will tell me some Brexit benefits, if you cant think of any, make some up".
B When the 2 PCs were dragging him out he was screaming "Astra Zeneca are nice people, the EU are evil".
H Sad.
M The questions didnt have anything to do with the interview.
H No.
M he has gone a bit funny since January.
H He stopped wearing his beret to work.
B Wont eat baguettes any more.
H Traded in his merc.
M Wont drink Stella, or Beaujolais.
B Its a pity.
H he will get over it, although probably not any time soon.
More entertaining in any event.
The other thread is very informative though.
H Arrives at the AC-12 office.
B He is back in work today.
H Where is he then?
B He has gone for a coffee.
H How does he seem?
B Not sure.
P Returns with his coffee.
H My office P, we need to have a chat
P Ok.
H Have a seat P.
P Thanks.
H How are you feeling?
P Never better.
H What have you got to say about those two incidents?
P Firstly, one of us has been in this job for 40 years, and its not you H.
H That may be the case P, but that doesnt mean you can get away with throttling suspects.
P Really?
H What were those question all about anyway?
P They were pertinent.
H I dont think so, he was suspected in 47 burglaries.
P So its only you that decides which questions are valid?
H They had nothing to do with his offences.
P I heard about the stuff you guys were saying about me.
H What stuff?
P I am not wearing the beret anymore simply because my heads got a bit fatter during the lockdown, the beret got a bit tight, and was making me go dizzy sometimes.
H Ok.
P I have flogged my Merc because it was getting a bit old, and I wanted to support British Industry post Brexit. So I bought British.
H I understand, what did you get?
P A new Nissan.
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
P. What's that sound?
H. The cassette's still on the blink, and now we can no longer rely on the SPC. So we are using the 8 Track Stereo Cartridge. What we call the HDTNRE
P. The HDTRNE?
H. Yes the Halcyon Days That Never Really Existed. Looks pretty, had high hopes for it, but when it was really needed turned out to be inferior. And yet people still talk about it as though it is still relevant today. Even though, rightly or wrongly, no-one else uses them. A bit like NHS fax machines.
H. Can you turn to your folders, please?
P. Where's most of it gone?
H. That was the last series. Which everyone stopped watching. And it was making me look slightly daft. So we scrapped it. And said no-one could ever discuss it ever again.
P. What do you mean "we". Thought lots of people co-produced it?
H. Look. It had a viewership of 5 per episode. There was only 1 producer that mattered. Me.
P. So I couldn't bump it? Or produce a new version, an i-player if you will, where I quoted some of the things that you were so sure were going to happen due to the OCG, "Brexit?" After all, in this latest series you have sought to prove the alleged OCG "Brexit" is dangerous by allying yourself with the sayings of the splinter OCG, known as "Real, Well Hard, No Deal Brexit".
H. I've told you before. When I ask a question, it is because I find it relevant, therefore you must answer. I do not answer your questions because it is in no way relevant that you might ever ask any question because you think it is relevant. This is not the way a 300-page Hay Cee diatribe works. This is clearly a balanced, well thought out approach.
P. I so wanted for you to see Document 39,682 in the last file. It was produced by you as incontrovertible proof that you were right. I appreciate that, for unfathomable reasons, that the opposite happened. I can quite see why you have single-handedly decreed that, should you provide an answer to a question you posed yourself, that that answer may be safely disregarded. Even though those are the only questions you ever answer.
H. What have you got to say about putting on 4 stone?
P. Lost nearly 3 stone, actually. Some of that was due to contracting Covid before getting a vaccine. You know, like all those people in Europe right now. I bet they wish they were Welsh. With a nice vaccine, made in Wales. I bet they would be grateful. The rest was because I realised I needed to modify my habits. The way I lived many years ago was no longer appropriate. The World changes, and I needed to change with it.
H. Got you on the car though, didn't I? That was the only funny part of episode 3.
P. I don't drive. Did buy my wife a British car, which she currently drives. The 3 cars before that were all French. A bit cheaper, but all good. But I wanted, where possible, to support my country. The Company is now in foreign hands. And the British model we have was made with considerable help from the US and Europe.
H. Can we please get back to discussing Bent Johnsons?
P. I thought that this enquiry was supposed to be about Brexit? Thought the thread title was a clue?
H. But I am fixated on looking at Bent Johnsons. It makes me feel fulfilled.
2 longer versions of this thread are available on the Forum. They take longer to read than it takes the world's largest economic bloc to buy stuff. With added episodes "It's not my fault. The smaller boy beat me up." "The dog ate my homework" and "Please, no-one else leave. We've got this covered. Honest. No, really."
All good fun thou