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That Eureka moment
Note * Please forgive the language used in the day.
Before Columbus “Discovered “ America, the ancient Greeks holidayed there, especially when they were struggling with certain problems.
One family visited a tribe of indigenous Indians, and were delighted to be invited to a local choosing of a bride.
Back in the day, the potential bride would bring gifts to try to garner favour with the male.
The First Lady was very pretty and offered a skin of a buffalo.
The Second Lady was beautiful and also offered a skin of a buffalo.
The third lady was a tad plain and came with a skin of a Hippo.
The male had no hesitation in choosing the 3rd lady .
The Greek was astonished and asked the chief “ How come he chose the plain lady with what seems a terrible gift”
The chief put his arm round him and said “ It’s obvious my child, we all know The squaw on the hide of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other twos hides”
Before Columbus “Discovered “ America, the ancient Greeks holidayed there, especially when they were struggling with certain problems.
One family visited a tribe of indigenous Indians, and were delighted to be invited to a local choosing of a bride.
Back in the day, the potential bride would bring gifts to try to garner favour with the male.
The First Lady was very pretty and offered a skin of a buffalo.
The Second Lady was beautiful and also offered a skin of a buffalo.
The third lady was a tad plain and came with a skin of a Hippo.
The male had no hesitation in choosing the 3rd lady .
The Greek was astonished and asked the chief “ How come he chose the plain lady with what seems a terrible gift”
The chief put his arm round him and said “ It’s obvious my child, we all know The squaw on the hide of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other twos hides”
Comments
Oh dear...
Although sometime later, by which time the Indians had turned into cannibals.
They captured all three of the above, and tied them up.
The chief gave them a visit.
He informed them of their fate, and granted them a last wish.
He told them that they intended to boil them alive, skin them, and eat them.
They intended to stretch their skins in order to make boats out of them.
The Englishmans last wish was to take advantage of a beautiful young member of the tribe.
The Scotsman obviously opted for a bottle of Scotch, to dull the pain.
The Irishman chose a fork.
The chief took him aside to enquire as to why he had chosen a fork.
The Irishman declined to explain, and insisted on getting a fork.
The chief obliged.
The Irishman then proceeded to stick the fork in himself, all over his body, while shouting, "no f...k.rs going to make a boat out of me.
FFS @tomgoodun now look what you've started, he'll go on for weeks now.
Three men survive when their boat hits rocks off a tropical Island.
They are capture by native tribes men and taken to their Chief.
They explain they're botanists on expedition to find new plants.
The Chief tells them they must die.
They plead for Mercy
The Chief is in a good mood, if they can find a fruit on the Island he has never eaten before they can go free.
They agree and all three set off round the Island in search of undiscovered fruit.
After few hours the first botanist returns with peanuts he dug up.
The Chief said, we grow them all the time you will die.
The second botanist returns with red grapes as the Island was full of green grapes.
The Chief said, pointing to fruit bowl with red grapes, you have fallen in the trap you will die.
Day goes bye no sign of third botanist so Chief decides to kill the first two.
They plead mercy so for the his amusement he decides to have some fun with them.
As you are Botanists and not found me a Fruit that I have not tasted before you can shove you miserable offerings up your a$$es .
Complete the Task you both can go free.
They think it's funny and start laughing.
It's not funny scorns the chief laugh again and you will die.
They both proceed with the Task but half way they both burst out laughing.
The Chief is furious and about to cut off their heads when he asks.
Why did you both laugh.....
We saw our mate coming with a bunch of
coconuts.
Sigh. You have a lot to answer for @tomgoodun
Off he jumps , hurtling to the ground when all of a sudden he floats back to the top
The Irishman says "wow , how did you do that " the American says "easy really , when you jump you get so far down then you hit a updraft which brings you back up"
Without hesitation the Irishman jumps sadly htting the ground in a bl00dy demise
Looking over at the bl00dy mess below the English man says to the America
That's c**nts trick Superman
They go for a slap up meal.
Five courses in a very expensive restaurant, and numerous bottles of champers.
When the waiter came with the bill, the Scotsman said I will pay.
Headlines in the following mornings paper,
Irish ventriloquist found stabbed to death in alley.
"Fortunately, I dont know that many bad jokes."
Seems you know a few.
High above the city, they sit together, eating their lunch as they do every lunchtime. The Englishman, Arthur, opens his lunchbox and picks out his sandwiches.
"I say! roast beef sandwiches. I'm sick of roast beef sandwiches! If I've got roast beef sandwiches tomorrow, I shall throw myself off this building!"
Andrew, the Scot, opens his sandwiches, "Ach! haggis sandwiches! I'm sick of haggis sandwiches! If I get haggis sandwiches tomorrow, I shall throw myself off this building!"
Paddy likewise opens his sandwiches, "Feck! potato sandwiches! I'm sick of potato sandwiches! If I get potato sandwiches tomorrow, I shall throw myself off this building!"
The next days comes and, what do you know. Arthur has roast beef again. Without a word, he jumps from the 20th floor. Likewise, Andrew has haggis. Without so much as a whisper, he swan-dives the full 20 floors. Mournfully, Paddy eyes his potato sandwiches. With a final salute to the world, he too jumps off. All three men quite dead.
At the funeral the tearful wife of the Englishman says, "All Arthur had to do was tell me he didn't like roast beef. I'd have made him another filling!"
The wife of the Scotsman sniffs, "I loved my Andrew! I would have made him any sandwich he'd asked for, if he'd just said something!"
The wife of the Irishman is quite unmoved, "The fecking idiot made his own sandwiches!"
The local paper reported that 3 men had died in what appeared to be a triple hen gliding, free fall parrot shooting and budgie jumping tragedy.
At the Pearly Gates they're greeted by Saint Peter
Saint Peter says "I will let you into heaven if you can show me a spirit of Christmas"
The first man pulls out a leaf from his pocket and says "this represents the Christmas tree"
He is allowed into heaven
The second man pulls out his keys "these represent bells"
He is allowed into heaven
The third man pulls out a pair of women's underwear
Saint Peter: good lord what do those represent?!
The third man says "oh well these..these are Carols..."