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Top Tips for On-Line Newbies

JockBMWJockBMW Member Posts: 2,653
edited September 2011 in Poker Chat
I thought this might be a useful thread for those starting out on their digital Poker career.

Please feel free to add any pearls of wisdom as you see fit.....

Do NOT , under any circumstances play on line poker whilst eating a microwaved Thai meal, whilst wearing glasses.

The glasses steam up.... I could have sworn that 3000 bet raise was only 300 ;o(
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Comments

  • AcidMan27AcidMan27 Member Posts: 3,752
    edited September 2011
    Another food themed one........

    Don't eat bombay mix over your keyboard, it takes ages to hoover all of the little bits from between the keys.


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  • drumahai05drumahai05 Member Posts: 777
    edited September 2011



    please try to keep off my table for your first three months, as i hate to get busted to early. oh and make hay while the sun shines but seriously have fun its a great site, and use the forum.
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  • debdobs_67debdobs_67 Member Posts: 3,615
    edited September 2011

    Stay well away from AREA51 , as ya could go bonkers ;))

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  • DOHHHHHHHDOHHHHHHH Member Posts: 17,929
    edited September 2011

    Do NOT believe anything you hear about online poker being rigged.

    Once you get stuff like that in your head it will eat away at you, affect your concentration whilst you are playing, and ultimately result in you becoming a miserable, losing poker player.

    ---------------

    If you ever have doubts, speak to someone who plays online poker for a living, rather than some losing player who blows his wages on the site, and blames anything or anyone but themselves! ;)

    ---------------

    And another tip, although not for total beginners, is to try and start playing 2 tables at the same time as soon as you are 100% comfortable with just 1.


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  • drumahai05drumahai05 Member Posts: 777
    edited September 2011
    In Response to Re: Top Tips for On-Line Newbies:
    Do NOT believe anything you hear about online poker being rigged. Once you get stuff like that in your head it will eat away at you, affect your concentration whilst you are playing, and ultimately result in you becoming a miserable, losing poker player. --------------- If you ever have doubts, speak to someone who plays online poker for a living, rather than some losing player who blows his wages on the site, and blames anything or anyone but themselves! ;) --------------- And another tip, although not for total beginners, is to try and start playing 2 tables at the same time as soon as you are 100% comfortable with just 1.
    Posted by DOHHHHHHH
     

    all you losing players in team 51 elsa/super ect stop blowing all your wages and pensions now its not on 
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  • DOHHHHHHHDOHHHHHHH Member Posts: 17,929
    edited September 2011
    In Response to Re: Top Tips for On-Line Newbies:
    In Response to Re: Top Tips for On-Line Newbies :   all you losing players in team 51 elsa/super ect stop blowing all your wages and pensions now its not on 
    Posted by drumahai05
    lol, you only sing when you're winning ;)

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  • BLACK_MASSBLACK_MASS Member Posts: 401
    edited September 2011
    In Response to Re: Top Tips for On-Line Newbies:
    Do NOT believe anything you hear about online poker being rigged. Once you get stuff like that in your head it will eat away at you, affect your concentration whilst you are playing, and ultimately result in you becoming a miserable, losing poker player. --------------- If you ever have doubts, speak to someone who plays online poker for a living, rather than some losing player who blows his wages on the site, and blames anything or anyone but themselves! ;) --------------- And another tip, although not for total beginners, is to try and start playing 2 tables at the same time as soon as you are 100% comfortable with just 1.
    Posted by DOHHHHHHH
         NEWBIES OF SKY - THOU SHALT NOT DONK

    Firstly ye must make full acknowledgement your foolishness. Ye are deluded and without direction. Ye be lost in the poker wilderness, a slave to false teachings and egotism, ever destined to let slip of the few copper coins mere chance bestows upon you.
    Upon this realisation ye must seek enlightenment. The holder of the keys to the temple of poker wisdom and limitless fortunes has sworn to aid you in your quest. For he is the Hierophant and his name is Lord Dohhhhhh.
    Ye must approach the High Priest and accord him the due respect. For ye are but a mendicant that wishes to partake of the bounty of his knowledge. Ye must kneel before him and kiss his ring.
    If your attitude is willing it may please the Lord Dohhhhhh. Aware of the humbleness of your wretched state he, in an act of unfathomable benignity, may choose to bestow his blessing upon ye. For he hath prepared a manuscript . This scripture shall be your salvation and is entitled A winning guide to NL4.
    This shall be your first steps along the path. You must study hard of the scriptures. The Lord Dohhhhhh will aid his flock in times of darkness and doubt.
    When the Lord Dohhhhhh is properly satisfied of your ability and your bankroll he will then guide you to the higher teachings of NL8. But that is another story.
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  • 67Bhoys67Bhoys Member Posts: 2,553
    edited September 2011
    In Response to Re: Top Tips for On-Line Newbies:
    In Response to Re: Top Tips for On-Line Newbies :      NEWBIES OF SKY - THOU SHALT NOT DONK Firstly ye must make full acknowledgement your foolishness. Ye are deluded and without direction. Ye be lost in the poker wilderness, a slave to false teachings and egotism, ever destined to let slip of the few copper coins mere chance bestows upon you. Upon this realisation ye must seek enlightenment. The holder of the keys to the temple of poker wisdom and limitless fortunes has sworn to aid you in your quest. For he is the Hierophant and his name is Lord Dohhhhhh. Ye must approach the High Priest and accord him the due respect. For ye are but a mendicant that wishes to partake of the bounty of his knowledge. Ye must kneel before him and kiss his ring. If your attitude is willing it may please the Lord Dohhhhhh. Aware of the humbleness of your wretched state he, in an act of unfathomable benignity, may choose to bestow his blessing upon ye. For he hath prepared a manuscript . This scripture shall be your salvation and is entitled A winning guide to NL4. This shall be your first steps along the path. You must study hard of the scriptures. The Lord Dohhhhhh will aid his flock in times of darkness and doubt. When the Lord Dohhhhhh is properly satisfied of your ability and your bankroll he will then guide you to the higher teachings of NL8. But that is another story.
    Posted by BLACK_MASS
    Are you sure kissing his ring is absolutely necessary?
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  • BLACK_MASSBLACK_MASS Member Posts: 401
    edited September 2011
    In Response to Re: Top Tips for On-Line Newbies : Are you sure kissing his ring is absolutely necessary?
    Posted by 67Bhoys

    Absolutely. The Ring of the Fisherman is a symbol of his power over weaker players.
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  • debdobs_67debdobs_67 Member Posts: 3,615
    edited September 2011
    In Response to Re: Top Tips for On-Line Newbies:
    In Response to Re: Top Tips for On-Line Newbies : Are you sure kissing his ring is absolutely necessary?
    Posted by 67Bhoys
    Well i never , what a crackin post pmsl xx
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  • DOHHHHHHHDOHHHHHHH Member Posts: 17,929
    edited September 2011
    It's neccessary.
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  • bludreid11bludreid11 Member Posts: 490
    edited September 2011
     
     (1)  before playing  any game  WATCH  SKY POKER  TV  the  teachings of LORD TIKAY must be observed.
     (2) stay at the 2p/4p levels until you win consistantly, then stay there until you win some more
     (3) use the forum no matter how silly your questions seems, you will get a sensible answer
     (4) If you read any books about poker, they are a guide,NOT GOSPEL.
     (5) poker is a simple game, learn PATIENCE PATIENCE AND SOME MORE PATIENCE the cards will come
     (6) Position position psition now if you take my chips in a game i expect you to give me them back
         
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  • Quietly1Quietly1 Member Posts: 213
    edited September 2011
    Dont drink hot tea and try to laugh as someone bets at your full house - cleaning the mess takes time away from poker.
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  • JingleMaJingleMa Member Posts: 1,319
    edited September 2011
    In Response to Re: Top Tips for On-Line Newbies:
    In Response to Re: Top Tips for On-Line Newbies :      NEWBIES OF SKY - THOU SHALT NOT DONK Firstly ye must make full acknowledgement your foolishness. Ye are deluded and without direction. Ye be lost in the poker wilderness, a slave to false teachings and egotism, ever destined to let slip of the few copper coins mere chance bestows upon you. Upon this realisation ye must seek enlightenment. The holder of the keys to the temple of poker wisdom and limitless fortunes has sworn to aid you in your quest. For he is the Hierophant and his name is Lord Dohhhhhh. Ye must approach the High Priest and accord him the due respect. For ye are but a mendicant that wishes to partake of the bounty of his knowledge. Ye must kneel before him and kiss his ring. If your attitude is willing it may please the Lord Dohhhhhh. Aware of the humbleness of your wretched state he, in an act of unfathomable benignity, may choose to bestow his blessing upon ye. For he hath prepared a manuscript . This scripture shall be your salvation and is entitled A winning guide to NL4. This shall be your first steps along the path. You must study hard of the scriptures. The Lord Dohhhhhh will aid his flock in times of darkness and doubt. When the Lord Dohhhhhh is properly satisfied of your ability and your bankroll he will then guide you to the higher teachings of NL8. But that is another story.
    Posted by BLACK_MASS
    Crack-ing post.

    Sorry, I'll get my coat.
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