After my trip on a Poker Cruise in 2006, while waiting in Miami waiting to get a connecting flight home. I was thinking i must get the Mr's a present. I saw something at Larry's Pistol &Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our coming 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for Valerie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing!
I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Valerie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5 " long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dip-stick,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and .. . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . .
WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . .. . WHAT THE FOOOOOCK !!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nibbles on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?
The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?
*(^%#@, THAT HURT LIKE F CK!!!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nibbles were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I pooped myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!
'Oh Valerie loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid . I'll call ya when your busy...byeeeeeeeeeee
i had a bit of a hangover this morning so i was running late, as i made myself a cuppa the phone rang..... i answered it .. as i was picking my golf clubs up the mrs shouted down the stairs asking who was on the phone ? i said some idiot got the wrong no. cos he wanted to know if the coast was clear !!! i told him im no weatherman !!!!
moooo, One thing that everybody knows about heads-up play is that the starting hand requirements are significantly lower in heads-up play than in a full ring game or even a short handed game. You will -- and should -- play hands heads up that you wouldn't think of playing in a bigger game. In heads up poker, the average hand is J-7 offsuit. If you look down at J-7, you are exactly 50 percent to win against an unknown hand. So, if you are looking down at such unremarkable hands as J-9, Q-3, or K-2, you are looking at better-than-average hands. These hands should be played heads-up, even against a small raise, since they will bring down the pots more often than not. Not only are there more playable hands heads up, but there are more �monster� starting hands as well. In a full ring game, there are about ten hands that you can comfortably raise with. (If you are very aggressive, maybe fifteen.) Heads up, you have a monster if you hold any Ace, any pair, or certain other hands such as K-Q and Q-J suited. This gives you a total of 27 hands that you can assume that you are well ahead with, and should definitely raise with these. (There will be times when you would not raise with an Ace, but we'll discuss those later.) But there are also hands that do not hold up so well in heads up matches, and those are small suited cards and small connectors. The chief benefit of these hands is that they can win a lot of money from a full ring game if they lead to a straight or a flush by the river. They can win a great deal of money in a heads up match too, but you may not have the odds to draw to one of the hands on the turn and the river. In fact, a good opponent will make sure that you don't. Two unsuited connectors are � at best � about 38-39% to win against two unsuited overs, and two small suited cards are about the same. But the percentages fall off quickly if you are up against higher connectors, higher suited cards, or share a card in common with your opponent. You can play small suited or connected cards for variety, or against smaller stacks, but you need to hit your flop in order to continue, since speculating can be costly. Aggressiveness The other thing that most everyone knows about playing heads up is that you must be very aggressive in order to win. You are usually better off raising than calling, especially early in the hand, and you will fold marginal hands less often. The best scenario in heads up holdem � other than going all-in with a monster � is to take down a lot of small uncontested pots. Both you and your opponent are waiting for opportunities to cash in with high pockets or miracle flops. But while you are doing so, if you are able to win most of the small, unimportant pots, then you will have the best of it. And by the time your opponent finds his pocket aces against your pocket queens, or flops a set when you flop two pair, he may not have enough chips to do much damage. These small pots don't make the TV telecasts, but any pro will tell you that they are their primary goal in heads up play. The way to win them is to keep the pressure on your opponent, to give him the opportunity to fold when it is his turn to do so. When you are the first to bet, bet as if you have a hand. When your opponent has bet in front of you, raise as if you have a better one. The trick is to do it often enough to win most of the pots, but not so often that your raises have no meaning. How often is that? Well, that is part of the art of heads up play. It is different in every situation. But if you find that your opponent is calling you with less-than-premium hands, it is a sign that you are raising with a bit too much. Well talk more about this next month. Way Ahead Aggressive play is even more important when you are way ahead of your opponent, when you have at least 75% of the chips in play. Under these circumstances, you can justify putting your opponent to the test with every single bet you make. Even with a decent hand, he won't want to risk all of his chips in order to call your bet. So you will win a lot of these pots uncontested, and continue chipping away at what he has left. Eventually, he will make a stand and call you with the better hand. In this case, two things can happen. He can win and double up through you, and odds are he will. But he can also lose, if the cards fall your way. And it happens more often than you think. If you push him all in with 7-2 offsuit, and he calls with A-K, you're way behind. But you will win the pot and the championship 33% of the time. So, you're not as far behind as you may think. Way Behind When the opposite is true, and you are short stacked heads up, you need to pick a spot and push all of your chips in. If you have enough chips, you may get a fold from your opponent, but you should expect to be called. The question is what hands to go in with. Pre-flop, any of the 27 monster hands described above are good candidates. You may also think about going in with any King, and some will go in with any Queen as well. The shorter your stack becomes, the more hands you will be willing to push with. If you have at least nine or ten times the big blind, you can afford to be more selective. But if you have only two or three times the blind, then you cannot be too choosy. Any face card will have to do. After the flop, you will want to push with any pair, even bottom pair. With two pair or better, you may think about checking, since you will get more of your opponents' chips this way. If you flop a drawing hand, you can push if the odds favor you, or if you think you may get your opponent to fold. Otherwise, try to preserve some chips to keep yourself in the tournament even if your card doesn't come. T hat leaves situations when you miss completely. When this happens, you need to swallow hard and fold most of the time. It is hard to give up a pot when you have so few chips left, but your chances of winning the pot with a bluff, or by catching a miracle card on the turn or the river are against you. Give up this one and wait for a better spot. Posted by mickjenn1
hi mik--i tried that email address you gave me but it was blocked or something--could you help sort it so i can reregister for tourney?? thanks me ole mucker
hi mik--i tried that email address you gave me but it was blocked or something--could you help sort it so i can reregister for tourney?? thanks me ole mucker Posted by oynutter
Mick... The reason i have a blog called 'Bennydip2 is Unwell" has nothing to do with my heath !! I'm really well !! However in a previous 'life' like you, people thought some of the things i wrote was crazy, so they said, " I'm not the 'full shilling' or i was 'Unwell'
Dont get me started here, !! As i tell people at poker tournament's when there trying to make me bite at the table ... "Sell Crazy elsewhere we're all stocked up here !!
ahahaha whos mike am mick or micky and yes u can join by all means lol any1 can, we got the old huntersix the bald razorkev the nivea man tallboy bubble boy gregghogg themackem whos a dancer, we got hurst05 who bats the other way and me the dam right cheeky
let me no whos up for this..........Poker In The ParkGlobalBasic InfoType:Sports & Recreation - GamesDescription:Europe's biggest Poker Festival is back! Come join Bluff Europe and thousands of poker players as they head to Leicester Square for two days of poker festivities. Get in the the action – dozens of free tournaments and tutorials given by Europe’s biggest pros. Load up on poker merchandise and get treated to VIP entertainment from the best online poker rooms and see why poker is the greatest card game in the world!Contact InfoWebsite:http://www.pokerinthepark.com
GUYS IVE HAD ENUFF I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE LOL, AM TAKIN A WELL DESERVED BREAK IF ANY1 WANTS ME FROM TMORA U WILL FIND ME ON PARTY POKER............. IF U WANT 2 NO Y ASK THE RANDOM NUMBER GENERATOR, JUST GIVE U A FEW EXAMPLES OF THE LAST 3 COMPS IVE PLAYED IN, STARTIN FROM LASTNIGHTS 12 .O CLOCK, 9 PPL LEFT PAYS 8 I HAVE 99 ON THE BB AND PUSH GET A CALLER FROM JK QN........... FLOP 10 8 3 THE TURN A BLANK GUESS THE RIVER AM SURE U NO BY NOW YES ITS A FOOOKIN 9 THATS JUST 1, RIGHT HERES ANOVER DONT NO IF THIS WAS BAD PLAY FROM ME OR NOT AM STARTIN 2 QUESTION MY GAME I HAVE ACE QN AND RAISE UP 4X BB I GET A CALLER WHOS HOLDIN 6 FOOOOKIN 3 THE FLOP COMES JK 9 3 I BET OUT 350 HE CALLS THE TURN K I BET 500 HE CALLS AGAIN THE RIVER WAS A BLANK BIT I FIRE ANOVER MEATY BET AND HE CALLS WIV 6 3 BOTTOM PR WAT THE XXXX IS GOIN THRU SUM PPLS MINDS, AND THE LATEST 1 NOT SO LONG AGO 10,20 MTT 2ND HAND AM DEALT AA ON THE BUTTON I RAISE 140 BLINDS R ONLY 10 N 20 GET 1 CALLER THE FLOP 346 I THINK YIPPEEEE I BET 380 HE CALLS THE TURN BRINGS AN 8 I THINK XXXX IT SO DECIDE 2 GET THE REST MY CHIPS IN THE RIVER BRINGS A 5 AND YES U GUESSED IT HES HOLDIN 77.............. ANYWAY RANT OVER N IL CATCH U TMORA IN MY GAME THEN AM TAKIN A NAP FROM SKY FOR A BIT GL ALL OVER AND NEARLY OUT
GUYS IVE HAD ENUFF I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE LOL, AM TAKIN A WELL DESERVED BREAK IF ANY1 WANTS ME FROM TMORA U WILL FIND ME ON PARTY POKER............. IF U WANT 2 NO Y ASK THE RANDOM NUMBER GENERATOR, JUST GIVE U A FEW EXAMPLES OF THE LAST 3 COMPS IVE PLAYED IN, STARTIN FROM LASTNIGHTS 12 .O CLOCK, 9 PPL LEFT PAYS 8 I HAVE 99 ON THE BB AND PUSH GET A CALLER FROM JK QN........... FLOP 10 8 3 THE TURN A BLANK GUESS THE RIVER AM SURE U NO BY NOW YES ITS A FOOOKIN 9 THATS JUST 1, RIGHT HERES ANOVER DONT NO IF THIS WAS BAD PLAY FROM ME OR NOT AM STARTIN 2 QUESTION MY GAME I HAVE ACE QN AND RAISE UP 4X BB I GET A CALLER WHOS HOLDIN 6 FOOOOKIN 3 THE FLOP COMES JK 9 3 I BET OUT 350 HE CALLS THE TURN K I BET 500 HE CALLS AGAIN THE RIVER WAS A BLANK BIT I FIRE ANOVER MEATY BET AND HE CALLS WIV 6 3 BOTTOM PR WAT THE XXXX IS GOIN THRU SUM PPLS MINDS, AND THE LATEST 1 NOT SO LONG AGO 10,20 MTT 2ND HAND AM DEALT AA ON THE BUTTON I RAISE 140 BLINDS R ONLY 10 N 20 GET 1 CALLER THE FLOP 346 I THINK YIPPEEEE I BET 380 HE CALLS THE TURN BRINGS AN 8 I THINK XXXX IT SO DECIDE 2 GET THE REST MY CHIPS IN THE RIVER BRINGS A 5 AND YES U GUESSED IT HES HOLDIN 77.............. ANYWAY RANT OVER N IL CATCH U TMORA IN MY GAME THEN AM TAKIN A NAP FROM SKY FOR A BIT GL ALL OVER AND NEARLY OUT Posted by mickjenn1
im resting too..... not so much to the bad beats ... just a better rake deal been offered to me !!!!
Comments
After my trip on a Poker Cruise in 2006, while waiting in Miami waiting to get a connecting flight home. I was thinking i must get the Mr's a present. I saw something at Larry's Pistol &Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our coming 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for Valerie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing!
I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Valerie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5 " long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dip-stick,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and .. . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . .
WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . .. . WHAT THE FOOOOOCK !!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,
with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nibbles on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?
The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a
violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered
conservative?
*(^%#@, THAT HURT LIKE F CK!!!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed
the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nibbles were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I pooped myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.
I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!
'Oh Valerie loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid .
I'll call ya when your busy...byeeeeeeeeeee
Updated from the blog.. "Bennydip2 is Unwell"
as i made myself a cuppa the phone rang..... i answered it .. as i was picking my golf clubs up the mrs shouted down the stairs asking who was on the phone ? i said some idiot got the wrong no. cos he wanted to know if the coast was clear !!! i told him im no weatherman !!!!
However in a previous 'life' like you, people thought some of the things i wrote was crazy, so they said, " I'm not the 'full shilling' or i was 'Unwell'
Dont get me started here, !! As i tell people at poker tournament's when there trying to make me bite at the table ... "Sell Crazy elsewhere we're all stocked up here !!
I love this thread !!!! Good lad !!
do we need to start a new thread ??? is 30 pages maximum on forum thread ?
lool I didn't know my bol locks were that red !! eehk
im resting too..... not so much to the bad beats ... just a better rake deal been offered to me !!!!