Thank you MereNovice, Hale and Elsa for your ideas, but the posters award goes to FlutNush for his brilliant post. Great entertainment value and so many so true.
I forgot the most obvious one, nicked from a Dorothy L Sayers novel,
Five Red Herrings -for the five buffers, I mean bluffers sitting at the table with you.
Also Lump Fish -Pillowman, but I don't think he appreciated it, sorry M8.
As you can probably tell, I have very little to do this morning... Tuna: Someone who players poker whilst listening to the radio. Yellow Fin Tuna: As above, but Scandinavian and suffering from jaundice. Shark: An aggressive player, with a macabre avatar, involved in many pots, who frequently uses the chat-box to dish out peurile insults and badly disguised cuss words. These players are usually 16 year old boys, playing from a small bedroom in Theydon Bois, the walls of which are bedecked with Slipknot posters, and pictures of scantily clad ladies draped over Lamborghinis. Battered Cod: A fishy player, and the recipient of a sound thrashing in the chat-box. Blue Wale: A player who shouts colourful invective at their monitor, having suffered a recent suck-out. Mullet: A player with bad hair. Usually American, and typically a fan of both types of music: Country and Western. Mull-it: Not to be confused with the above, although similar in sound. A 'Mull-it' is a player who uses all of their allotted time allowance, every time, before they fold every single hand. Clown Fish: A player with a big red nose, baggy trousers and an exploding car. Usually dishes out abuse, simply by throwing a bucket of confetti and glitter over their victim. Angel Fish: An innocent-looking player, dressed in white. Devil Fish: A highly adept player, who will wink frequently at your girlfriend, whilst robbing your chips. This player is especially useful for getting you back into your house after you've lost your keys (or for a larger cash consideration: the NatWest bank vault in Edgeware Road). Crab: A tough, impenetrable player, proficient at clawing and nipping at your chip stack. Easily spotted by their quirky, sideways gait as they approach the table. Kipper: A player that lives on the Isle Of Man (presumably for tax purposes), that makes your kitchen smell bad if you try cooking them. Sturgeon: a mathematically precise, clinical player, that can draw blood with a few deft swipes of a scalpel. Goldfish: Inexperienced player that ends up, quite literally in the sewer, having encountered a big flush. Dover Sole: A player from Kent, within striking distance of the ferry to France (and the white cliffs), and possibly a fan of music. Sardines: A bunch of players that have to sit too close together around a small table. Usually drenched in brine. Eel: A slippery, unfathomable chap, difficult to get a handle on, who seeming plays any two cards, i.e.: Sammy George. Sprat: One that whilst holding the absolute nuts, insists on placing small, enticing bets at every street, giving a losing player the correct odds to continue losing their money. Mackerel: a player caught by the above. Dolphin: a popular, benevolent-looking player, with an affinity for children, who communicates by using a clicked tongue. Navigates their way to casinos via a nose-mounted sonar, and then attacks Sharks by butting them in the belly with their snout. Usually captured early in their poker career, and forced to entertain the public by jumping out of water, through hoops. These players once garnered huge public concern, when swathes of them were inadvertently caught in nets, that were originally designed to capture Scandinavian players with yellow skin and a love of the wireless. Monk Fish: A faithful player who religiously chases gut shots, often praying to the poker gods for salvation. Easily spotted by their tonsure . Posted by FlutNush
As you can probably tell, I have very little to do this morning... Tuna: Someone who players poker whilst listening to the radio. Yellow Fin Tuna: As above, but Scandinavian and suffering from jaundice. Shark: An aggressive player, with a macabre avatar, involved in many pots, who frequently uses the chat-box to dish out peurile insults and badly disguised cuss words. These players are usually 16 year old boys, playing from a small bedroom in Theydon Bois, the walls of which are bedecked with Slipknot posters, and pictures of scantily clad ladies draped over Lamborghinis. Battered Cod: A fishy player, and the recipient of a sound thrashing in the chat-box. Blue Wale: A player who shouts colourful invective at their monitor, having suffered a recent suck-out. Mullet: A player with bad hair. Usually American, and typically a fan of both types of music: Country and Western. Mull-it: Not to be confused with the above, although similar in sound. A 'Mull-it' is a player who uses all of their allotted time allowance, every time, before they fold every single hand. Clown Fish: A player with a big red nose, baggy trousers and an exploding car. Usually dishes out abuse, simply by throwing a bucket of confetti and glitter over their victim. Angel Fish: An innocent-looking player, dressed in white. Devil Fish: A highly adept player, who will wink frequently at your girlfriend, whilst robbing your chips. This player is especially useful for getting you back into your house after you've lost your keys (or for a larger cash consideration: the NatWest bank vault in Edgeware Road). Crab: A tough, impenetrable player, proficient at clawing and nipping at your chip stack. Easily spotted by their quirky, sideways gait as they approach the table. Kipper: A player that lives on the Isle Of Man (presumably for tax purposes), that makes your kitchen smell bad if you try cooking them. Sturgeon: a mathematically precise, clinical player, that can draw blood with a few deft swipes of a scalpel. Goldfish: Inexperienced player that ends up, quite literally in the sewer, having encountered a big flush. Dover Sole: A player from Kent, within striking distance of the ferry to France (and the white cliffs), and possibly a fan of music. Sardines: A bunch of players that have to sit too close together around a small table. Usually drenched in brine. Eel: A slippery, unfathomable chap, difficult to get a handle on, who seeming plays any two cards, i.e.: Sammy George. Sprat: One that whilst holding the absolute nuts, insists on placing small, enticing bets at every street, giving a losing player the correct odds to continue losing their money. Mackerel: a player caught by the above. Dolphin: a popular, benevolent-looking player, with an affinity for children, who communicates by using a clicked tongue. Navigates their way to casinos via a nose-mounted sonar, and then attacks Sharks by butting them in the belly with their snout. Usually captured early in their poker career, and forced to entertain the public by jumping out of water, through hoops. These players once garnered huge public concern, when swathes of them were inadvertently caught in nets, that were originally designed to capture Scandinavian players with yellow skin and a love of the wireless. Monk Fish: A faithful player who religiously chases gut shots, often praying to the poker gods for salvation. Easily spotted by their tonsure . Posted by FlutNush
You have way too much time on your hands lufnuts!! With this kind of writing talent you should be earning a fortune! LEGEND!
As Sponge and Hjaltland have said this is pullitzer prize winning stuff Flutnush. By the way Doug with you sitting on the reef you should have loads of ideas Posted by vaigret[/QUOTE
Comments
I do hear he has a few pairs of concrete boots that need filling.
I made the mistake of upsetting DU here and for some reason, a few days later, someone came round and cut the heads off all my grass.
Mind you, it needed doing, but he could have done the weeding while he was at it!
Thank you MereNovice, Hale and Elsa for your ideas, but the posters award goes to FlutNush for his brilliant post. Great entertainment value and so many so true.
I forgot the most obvious one, nicked from a Dorothy L Sayers novel,
Five Red Herrings -for the five buffers, I mean bluffers sitting at the table with you.
Also Lump Fish -Pillowman, but I don't think he appreciated it, sorry M8.
Bless you all for your contributions.
As Sponge and Hjaltland have said this is pullitzer prize winning stuff Flutnush.
By the way Doug with you sitting on the reef you should have loads of ideas
Thanks Flutnush you made my thread worth reading.
Looking forward to you getting that swell Doug and the exaggeration, i mean inspiration it brings.
Don't suppose you see many fish in your Sea of Tranquility.
Or r u rocking