Several thousand Manchester United fans have taken a vote on facebook today ------- The poll reveals that 92% of them have recently had a good think about life on the planet in general, and decided that football is silly.
I'm not in the habit of brag posting, then I remembered it's a diary--lol---but really, if you can't brag about winning a few quids for your bankroll, then you can't brag about losing a few quid by playing stupid--- so it works both ways really----- innit?
This man has to go in for a colonoscopy and is rather worried about it.
Anyway, the nurse soon realises his concern and as the procedure starts reassuringly says to him, "now don't worry, it is perfectly normal to get an ere-ction at this stage" But the man says he hasn't got one.
A Celtic fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Green and white top. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter. "Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Celtic fans in heaven." "What ?" exclaims the man, astonished. "You heard, no Celtic fans." "But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the Celtic supporter. "Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?" "Well" said the guy, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 pounds to the starving children in Africa". "Oh" says St.Peter. "anything else?" "Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 10 pounds to the homeless." "Hmmm. Anything else?" "Yeah. A week before I died I gave 10 pounds to the Albanian orphans." "Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor." Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your thirty quid back, now f*ck off".
Comments
I am a poker player because I want to meet Anna Fowler
Sorry, I have grown up now
ALSO POKER CHIPS WHAT GOOD ARE THE FOR YOU CAN ONLY USE TH IN TOURNMENTS 300PLUS PLSYERS FOR 20£ JOKE
Anyway, the nurse soon realises his concern and as the procedure starts reassuringly says to him, "now don't worry, it is perfectly normal to get an ere-ction at this stage" But the man says he hasn't got one.
To which the Nurse replies, "but I have"
A Celtic fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Green and white top. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter.
"Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Celtic fans in heaven."
"What ?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no Celtic fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the Celtic supporter.
"Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?"
"Well" said the guy, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 pounds to the starving children in Africa".
"Oh" says St.Peter. "anything else?"
"Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 10 pounds to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 10 pounds to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor."
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me.
Here's your thirty quid back, now f*ck off".