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Google Home mini joke of the day

dobiesdrawdobiesdraw Member Posts: 2,793
in The Rail
Ok ...so new toy for xmas ....her jokes are very " xmas crackery " ...feel free to post your own assistants

"Why was the scarecrow constantly being promoted ?

Because he was outstanding in his field."
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  • dobiesdrawdobiesdraw Member Posts: 2,793
    And todays little gem (she's def getting worse )

    "What's at the bottom of the ocean and shivers ?

    A nervous wreck "
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  • dobiesdrawdobiesdraw Member Posts: 2,793
    Todays meagre offering from her :

    Did you hear about the two antennas that got married ?

    The ceremony was ok , but the reception was great .
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  • dobiesdrawdobiesdraw Member Posts: 2,793
    Never try and annoy someone with bird puns , because toucan play at that game .
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  • rainman215rainman215 Member Posts: 1,186
    Q. Why have ducks got webbed feet ?
    A. To stamp out forest fires.
    Q. Why have Elephants got big feet ?
    A. To stamp out burning ducks.

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  • dobiesdrawdobiesdraw Member Posts: 2,793
    This morning I found my phone whizzing through the air ,
    I'd left it in Airplane mode.



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  • tomgooduntomgoodun Member Posts: 3,754
    Naive young lady visits her gran
    “ I want a baby, but mummy says I’m not ready, tell me gran does childbirth hurt?”
    Gran says well, pinch your bottom lip as hard as you can
    Young lady does so, “ Oh it is really painful gran, but I think I can withstand that for a little darling baby”
    Gran - “ Now pull your bottom lip over your head and staple it to your neck”
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  • dobiesdrawdobiesdraw Member Posts: 2,793
    tomgoodun said:

    Naive young lady visits her gran
    “ I want a baby, but mummy says I’m not ready, tell me gran does childbirth hurt?”
    Gran says well, pinch your bottom lip as hard as you can
    Young lady does so, “ Oh it is really painful gran, but I think I can withstand that for a little darling baby”
    Gran - “ Now pull your bottom lip over your head and staple it to your neck”

    Your google assistant is more risque than mine :D
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  • dobiesdrawdobiesdraw Member Posts: 2,793
    Why can't Adele swim in the shallow end of the pool ?

    Because she can only roll in the deep .
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  • dobiesdrawdobiesdraw Member Posts: 2,793
    What action film do dogs like to watch after having their coats clipped ?

    Indiana Bones and the temple of groom
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  • dobiesdrawdobiesdraw Member Posts: 2,793
    Why can't eggs keep a secret ?

    They tend to crack under pressure
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  • dobiesdrawdobiesdraw Member Posts: 2,793
    A kid threw a lump of cheddar at me ...

    I thought , that's not very mature .
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  • dobiesdrawdobiesdraw Member Posts: 2,793
    I asked my gym instructor if he could help me do the splits .
    He said " How flexible are you ? " , to which I replied " well I can't do Tuesdays "
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  • dobiesdrawdobiesdraw Member Posts: 2,793
    What is E.T. short for ?

    Well his little legs don't help.
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  • dobiesdrawdobiesdraw Member Posts: 2,793
    Did you hear about the magic tractor?

    It was driving down the road when it suddenly turned into a field.
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  • dobiesdrawdobiesdraw Member Posts: 2,793
    Why don't ghosts like rain ?

    It dampens the spirit .
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  • dobiesdrawdobiesdraw Member Posts: 2,793
    Two fish are in a tank and one turns to the other and says

    How do you drive this thing?
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  • dobiesdrawdobiesdraw Member Posts: 2,793
    What's Orange and sounds like a Parrot?

    A Carrot
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  • madprofmadprof Member Posts: 3,458
    Little boy runs into to shout at his mummy " Mummy, mummy..I think the au pairs dying?" Why, says a concerned mummy..." Daddy's lying on top her and she's shouting Oh God, I'm coming! "

    Yep set to googledarkworld
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  • dobiesdrawdobiesdraw Member Posts: 2,793
    How many introverts does it take to change a lightbulb ?

    Why does it have to be as group activity ?
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  • dobiesdrawdobiesdraw Member Posts: 2,793
    A friend bet me a £100 I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti.

    You should have seen the look on here face as i drove pasta
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