Medication is a key part of managing my condition, I have a combination of meds now that took years of "mental/emotional anguish" to come up with, but now works really well for me.
I am very grateful for the Doctor's who assisted me getting to this combination which I have been on, and in the most part stable, for over 10 years now.
I also have a regular meditation practice which is something I do anyway. So isn't specifically for the Bi-polar, but I am sure it helps.
Now I am starting to have a better diet and do some exercise, I am starting to feel benefit from that too.
What may also surprise some, is that I find playing Poker helps massively, as it gives me a "controlled buzz" in a manageable way.
I feel calm, yet "alive", when playing Poker, more so than any other activity, it provides much peace for me funnily enough.
I am not saying that Poker would be good for everyone with bi-polar, but for me it seems to work.
Hope that explains a bit and thank you for your interest.
Hey Graham. Sorry to hear about the health issues, sounds like you are getting them under control though which is good. You said you have got yourself an exercise bike, how about getting a real bike, think it's pretty flat round Huntingdon like most of Cambridgeshire so it isn't too strenuous. I've started getting out a bit more since lockdown on my bike. Best of luck to you and Donald with the poker.
Hey Graham. Sorry to hear about the health issues, sounds like you are getting them under control though which is good. You said you have got yourself an exercise bike, how about getting a real bike, think it's pretty flat round Huntingdon like most of Cambridgeshire so it isn't too strenuous. I've started getting out a bit more since lockdown on my bike. Best of luck to you and Donald with the poker.
Cheers Greg.
Hi Greg.
Thanks for the post and good wishes.
Regarding the real bike, I did think about that, but have a couple more ailments that I didn't mention.
I used to play competitive table tennis, and in January 1999, I was representing Colorado Springs against Denver. (I lived in Colorado Springs at the time)
I went for a forehand smash, and dropped to the ground in agony, with what was later confirmed to be a herniated disc in my lower back.
Why do I remember the date so well?
Well, it was my 30th birthday which I spent in agony having MRI scans.
I remember thinking the day before, "Being 30 isn't going to change me", I will still be playing my five a side football matches 4 times a week, tables tennis 3 times a week and "partying hard" in between!
But the reality was quite different.
Months of traction, physio and steroid injections every two weeks in my spine, was what actually ensued. Initially having to crawl to the fridge as I could neither stand nor walk. After about six weeks, I improved enough to be able to walk with crutches.
After 3 months I could take my first steps unaided and after six months I was able to walk "properly", albeit with a limp, but I was able to go back to work.
However the point is, I have to avoid harsh impact if I can, especially as I also had an umbilical hernia about 5 years ago.
I have been able to play some table tennis in recent years, albeit at a much lower level, so I probably could ride a "real" bike as long as I avoided uneven areas.
Reading all this makes it sound like I have had a tough life, when actually, in the things that matter, it couldn't be further from the truth!
I am grateful every day for just how blessed and easy my life is, especially when I see the struggles of others. I have great parents, siblings and a truly wonderful son.
I had such a happy upbringing, have the most wonderful friends, and I play poker for a living which I love!
I have freedoms that most of the world's population don't have, and I know just how lucky I am.
And is is luck! That's all!
Being born in the "right" place, at the "right" time, to great parents is a luxury that I had that most people don't. Having an "ability" to be able to make a living playing poker, largely is just luck that my brain happens to be wired in a way that is compatible to some degree with poker.
I can't say that my poker successes are due to hard work and dedication, because they are not, it's just good fortune that my mind works in a way that lends itself toward statistical/analytical thinking.
More recently, as you know, I have started to put more effort into improving my game, so if I can elevate my game from here, then part of that success I could say would be "earned."
However, to date, I have just played from instinct and not put in any effort to improve outside of playing the game itself. I often have advice for others, but rarely have had the desire or humility to learn from others.
This is a big change for me, and I have to credit @thisltedu with motivating me and pushing me to be open-minded enough, and humble enough, to consider change and accept that I may get worse before better.
I would say I was passively arrogant about my poker ability, however this arrogance would have, (and still will) keep me from making improvement if I am not careful.
SO THE ARROGANCE HAS TO GO!
Anyway, enough about poker. When I think of these minor obstacles that I have had to overcome (and they are minor in the grand scheme of things) the overwhelming feeling I have, is one of immense gratitude to life itself.
I am a very spiritual person, if I had to class myself religion wise, I would say I am a hybrid between being a Buddhist, Hindu and Christian.
I believe in a God, but not one that is separate from us, one that is omnipresent in everything we do, everywhere.
For the spiritually/religious minded among you, to me The Buddhist "Enlightened Mind", Hindu "Nirguna Brahman" and Christian "God", all feel like different expressions/terms for the one consciousness that we all are.
Sorry if that seems a bit heavy.
Anyway, I wasn't planning on going into religion or anything, but it just felt natural to explain my thoughts on it, in relation to how it affects my outlook on life.
I get so much solace from following a "spiritual path", and to add a further answer to @Phantom66 question about coping mechanisms for Bi-Polar, then my spirituality is massive for me, when it comes to dealing with adversity.
Wow, that was a long answer as to why a "real bike" might not be ideal!
Apologies if it's all a bit too much.
P.S. Got my date for my 24 hour ECG, it's 22nd June at Hitchenbrooke Hospital and the procedure should be straight forward, something like this:
Lucky to get seen so soon, as they are just doing five holter monitor fittings per day, due to Covid.
Hi, you don’t know me because our poker levels are so far apart. You won’t ever see my name on Tikay’s daily round up and the chances of us ever sitting on the same table at a key stage in a tournament are virtually nonexistent! However, your diary is captivating and inspiring. I read each new comment and entry with interest. I am fascinated by the ‘pro’ players and their relentless ability to perform so consistently and successfully. I am just a ‘social’ player (who would still like to improve), My personal goal, particularly during lockdown, has been to learn patience and, if I play any of the mini tournaments and see a top name on the table, to not be intimidated. The latter is harder! Quick question, if you find yourself at a table with social players, do you recognise that they are not at your level immediately and rub your hands in glee or change your approach in any way?
Hi, you don’t know me because our poker levels are so far apart. You won’t ever see my name on Tikay’s daily round up and the chances of us ever sitting on the same table at a key stage in a tournament are virtually nonexistent! However, your diary is captivating and inspiring. I read each new comment and entry with interest. I am fascinated by the ‘pro’ players and their relentless ability to perform so consistently and successfully. I am just a ‘social’ player (who would still like to improve), My personal goal, particularly during lockdown, has been to learn patience and, if I play any of the mini tournaments and see a top name on the table, to not be intimidated. The latter is harder! Quick question, if you find yourself at a table with social players, do you recognise that they are not at your level immediately and rub your hands in glee or change your approach in any way?
Hi @TVSpice thanks for the post and nice to hear from you. I am glad that you are finding the diary of interest. Being brutally honest, it probably takes no more than 10 minutes to spot purely social players.
Also on SkyPoker most of the professional regulars are well known in the Sky community, so more often than not, if I don't recognise the alias, they are usually a social/recreational player.
But that aside the "weaker" players can be spotted quite easily by the more seasoned players.
Am I rubbing my hands? Not always, sometimes when players don't really know what they are doing, they can be more difficult to read, because they have hands in their ranges that shouldn't perhaps be there and betting patterns that are erratic.
Personally, I get satisfaction at being able to compete against good players, (as long as they are not too good) So I am more often rubbing my hand when against players of a "medium" ability than a low one.
Hope this helps and best of luck with your game!
If you enjoy it, that's the main thing. I'll say hi, if I do happen to see you at a table!
If you enjoy it, that's the main thing. I'll say hi, if I do happen to see you at a table!
Probably best to say it quickly!!!
Thanks for taking the time to respond. I do watch the pro players hoping to pick up tips on position and bet size. Without knowing their cards, unless the full hand is revealed, it is often all I can do. I’ve read many posts by the top players as they generously give their time advising on particular hands and have tried to play within the ranges discussed.
Anyway, enough from me, congratulations on the win last night. I shall continue reading and watching as well as trying to improve.
Thanks for sharing both your poker and personal experiences...a really interesting thread that I'll be following with interest!
Think the massive thing that stands out for me is the fact such a high quality player as yourself is saying you are still learning and need to put more effort into learning more!
I'm definitely more of a social player but dream of that one day when everything falls into place and I can take down a decent prize! Am certainly going to put more effort into trying to improve going forward though.
For a player like myself at the moment I need to rely heavily on 'luck' and as we all know in all forms of gambling you go through runs of good and bad...many , many more bad and that's where I am at present....at the bottom of a cliff lol !
What I've started doing lately though when my tournies are over so quickly is watching tables and particular players and started making much more notes...something I've never done until this last month or so...
Good luck with your health issues too!
Happy to read things are positive...my wife struggles with mental health issues and we've both always said she may be bipolar...it's a very difficult condition both for her to try and manage and for me. to understand but am learning all the time to be as supportive as I can...this lockdown has actually been very good for us as a family, even though her being self employed she's not earning any money.
My inbox is always open and welcoming to anyone going through a difficult time...
If you enjoy it, that's the main thing. I'll say hi, if I do happen to see you at a table!
Probably best to say it quickly!!!
Thanks for taking the time to respond. I do watch the pro players hoping to pick up tips on position and bet size. Without knowing their cards, unless the full hand is revealed, it is often all I can do. I’ve read many posts by the top players as they generously give their time advising on particular hands and have tried to play within the ranges discussed.
Anyway, enough from me, congratulations on the win last night. I shall continue reading and watching as well as trying to improve.
Great to see you doing a diary Graham. It's been a fascinating read so far and I hope you manage to make the improvements you're aiming for both on and off the tables.
Can I ask how you came to be living in the USA 20-odd years back?
Great to see you doing a diary Graham. It's been a fascinating read so far and I hope you manage to make the improvements you're aiming for both on and off the tables.
Can I ask how you came to be living in the USA 20-odd years back?
My wife got a job transfer out there in 1997 and I was able to get job with the infamous MCI-Worldcom.
It was just called MCI when I started working there, but after a year or so of me being there, it "merged" with Worldcom.
I suppose whilst we are on the subject of my life history, where I've been, what I've done etc.
I probably should point out that I was an actor for a short period of time. (2004-2005)
I have a Post Graduate Diploma in Television Acting obtained at Redroof's Theatre School, the same place that Kate Winslet went.
And no, you wouldn't have seen me on Television as it was short lived, and like most actors, I went broke and had to go back to my day job in IT.
I did a few corporate videos and probably my biggest role was for a Japanese TV program called "Odd-Ball News" which was a TV series about farfetched, but true events.
For example, one was about a guy who married the wrong girl. Literally! It was the twin of who he thought he was marrying.
The one I was involved in was about a "Pole Dancer" that had an allergy to the metal pole! I was a drunken, front row letch who's "favourite" was the "allergy girl" and got really upset when she no longer showed up because of her allergy to the pole!
I remember the Film Director asking me to really get drunk, not just pretend to be, (probably thought my acting wasn't good enough when sober)
So take after take, I drank more and more "free beer" and letched at scantily clad women "dancing" on poles.
I don't remember much about it, but I do know the Director was very pleased with the outcome!
It was a tough role to take on, but somebody had to do it!
Going to pole dance clubs, strip bars, in real life, never appealed to me, always felt a bit tacky, not that I judge anyone that does enjoy them, but getting paid for going, was cool!
I also had an acting role as a "body guard" for the female owner of an illegal poker room, in a short film called, "Dancing with Fishes."
I was a "tough guy" with idiosyncraises like using a "titanic theme tune playing" lighter, while I lit a cigarette, and at the same time, turfed people out the club, or standing on, and threatening to cut off their fingers, until they paid their debts.
Some of the scenes were at Poker tables and this was long before I became a Poker player, funny how things work out in life.
Here is my short show reel (Apologies for some bad language at the end)
i once considered trying to be an actor. My old school has produced a few, and they arranged for a (then very) famous actor to come to rehearsals for a play.
His verdict makes me laugh out loud to this day:-
"You have talent. But it is important to remember that there are a lot more Robert Redfords than Danny Devitos"
i once considered trying to be an actor. My old school has produced a few, and they arranged for a (then very) famous actor to come to rehearsals for a play.
His verdict makes me laugh out loud to this day:-
"You have talent. But it is important to remember that there are a lot more Robert Redfords than Danny Devitos"
LOL,
Yes, very true
But everyone loves Danny Devito! (And "Our Phil" too)
Comments
Thanks for the kind post.
Medication is a key part of managing my condition, I have a combination of meds now that took years of "mental/emotional anguish" to come up with, but now works really well for me.
I am very grateful for the Doctor's who assisted me getting to this combination which I have been on, and in the most part stable, for over 10 years now.
I also have a regular meditation practice which is something I do anyway. So isn't specifically for the Bi-polar, but I am sure it helps.
Now I am starting to have a better diet and do some exercise, I am starting to feel benefit from that too.
What may also surprise some, is that I find playing Poker helps massively, as it gives me a "controlled buzz" in a manageable way.
I feel calm, yet "alive", when playing Poker, more so than any other activity, it provides much peace for me funnily enough.
I am not saying that Poker would be good for everyone with bi-polar, but for me it seems to work.
Hope that explains a bit and thank you for your interest.
Best of luck to you and Donald with the poker.
Cheers
Greg.
Thanks for the post and good wishes.
Regarding the real bike, I did think about that, but have a couple more ailments that I didn't mention.
I used to play competitive table tennis, and in January 1999, I was representing Colorado Springs against Denver. (I lived in Colorado Springs at the time)
I went for a forehand smash, and dropped to the ground in agony, with what was later confirmed to be a herniated disc in my lower back.
Why do I remember the date so well?
Well, it was my 30th birthday which I spent in agony having MRI scans.
I remember thinking the day before, "Being 30 isn't going to change me", I will still be playing my five a side football matches 4 times a week, tables tennis 3 times a week and "partying hard" in between!
But the reality was quite different.
Months of traction, physio and steroid injections every two weeks in my spine, was what actually ensued. Initially having to crawl to the fridge as I could neither stand nor walk. After about six weeks, I improved enough to be able to walk with crutches.
After 3 months I could take my first steps unaided and after six months I was able to walk "properly", albeit with a limp, but I was able to go back to work.
However the point is, I have to avoid harsh impact if I can, especially as I also had an umbilical hernia about 5 years ago.
I have been able to play some table tennis in recent years, albeit at a much lower level, so I probably could ride a "real" bike as long as I avoided uneven areas.
Reading all this makes it sound like I have had a tough life, when actually, in the things that matter, it couldn't be further from the truth!
I am grateful every day for just how blessed and easy my life is, especially when I see the struggles of others. I have great parents, siblings and a truly wonderful son.
I had such a happy upbringing, have the most wonderful friends, and I play poker for a living which I love!
I have freedoms that most of the world's population don't have, and I know just how lucky I am.
And is is luck! That's all!
Being born in the "right" place, at the "right" time, to great parents is a luxury that I had that most people don't. Having an "ability" to be able to make a living playing poker, largely is just luck that my brain happens to be wired in a way that is compatible to some degree with poker.
I can't say that my poker successes are due to hard work and dedication, because they are not, it's just good fortune that my mind works in a way that lends itself toward statistical/analytical thinking.
More recently, as you know, I have started to put more effort into improving my game, so if I can elevate my game from here, then part of that success I could say would be "earned."
However, to date, I have just played from instinct and not put in any effort to improve outside of playing the game itself. I often have advice for others, but rarely have had the desire or humility to learn from others.
This is a big change for me, and I have to credit @thisltedu with motivating me and pushing me to be open-minded enough, and humble enough, to consider change and accept that I may get worse before better.
I would say I was passively arrogant about my poker ability, however this arrogance would have, (and still will) keep me from making improvement if I am not careful.
SO THE ARROGANCE HAS TO GO!
Anyway, enough about poker. When I think of these minor obstacles that I have had to overcome (and they are minor in the grand scheme of things) the overwhelming feeling I have, is one of immense gratitude to life itself.
I am a very spiritual person, if I had to class myself religion wise, I would say I am a hybrid between being a Buddhist, Hindu and Christian.
I believe in a God, but not one that is separate from us, one that is omnipresent in everything we do, everywhere.
For the spiritually/religious minded among you, to me The Buddhist "Enlightened Mind", Hindu "Nirguna Brahman" and Christian "God", all feel like different expressions/terms for the one consciousness that we all are.
Sorry if that seems a bit heavy.
Anyway, I wasn't planning on going into religion or anything, but it just felt natural to explain my thoughts on it, in relation to how it affects my outlook on life.
I get so much solace from following a "spiritual path", and to add a further answer to @Phantom66 question about coping mechanisms for Bi-Polar, then my spirituality is massive for me, when it comes to dealing with adversity.
Wow, that was a long answer as to why a "real bike" might not be ideal!
Apologies if it's all a bit too much.
P.S. Got my date for my 24 hour ECG, it's 22nd June at Hitchenbrooke Hospital and the procedure should be straight forward, something like this:
Lucky to get seen so soon, as they are just doing five holter monitor fittings per day, due to Covid.
Also on SkyPoker most of the professional regulars are well known in the Sky community, so more often than not, if I don't recognise the alias, they are usually a social/recreational player.
But that aside the "weaker" players can be spotted quite easily by the more seasoned players.
Am I rubbing my hands? Not always, sometimes when players don't really know what they are doing, they can be more difficult to read, because they have hands in their ranges that shouldn't perhaps be there and betting patterns that are erratic.
Personally, I get satisfaction at being able to compete against good players, (as long as they are not too good) So I am more often rubbing my hand when against players of a "medium" ability than a low one.
Hope this helps and best of luck with your game!
If you enjoy it, that's the main thing. I'll say hi, if I do happen to see you at a table!
To be brutally honest, I don't know whether this statement means you think I am lucky or unlucky?
I KNOW I am lucky.
If my life were to end tomorrow, and I hope it won't, but if it were to, I'd have no complaints. It's been a great ride.
Probably best to say it quickly!!!
Thanks for taking the time to respond. I do watch the pro players hoping to pick up tips on position and bet size. Without knowing their cards, unless the full hand is revealed, it is often all I can do. I’ve read many posts by the top players as they generously give their time advising on particular hands and have tried to play within the ranges discussed.
Anyway, enough from me, congratulations on the win last night. I shall continue reading and watching as well as trying to improve.
Thanks for sharing both your poker and personal experiences...a really interesting thread that I'll be following with interest!
Think the massive thing that stands out for me is the fact such a high quality player as yourself is saying you are still learning and need to put more effort into learning more!
I'm definitely more of a social player but dream of that one day when everything falls into place and I can take down a decent prize! Am certainly going to put more effort into trying to improve going forward though.
For a player like myself at the moment I need to rely heavily on 'luck' and as we all know in all forms of gambling you go through runs of good and bad...many , many more bad and that's where I am at present....at the bottom of a cliff lol !
What I've started doing lately though when my tournies are over so quickly is watching tables and particular players and started making much more notes...something I've never done until this last month or so...
Good luck with your health issues too!
Happy to read things are positive...my wife struggles with mental health issues and we've both always said she may be bipolar...it's a very difficult condition both for her to try and manage and for me. to understand but am learning all the time to be as supportive as I can...this lockdown has actually been very good for us as a family, even though her being self employed she's not earning any money.
My inbox is always open and welcoming to anyone going through a difficult time...
Great win last night, looks like the improvement training is going ok then!
I have done a few coaching videos. They are not the best quality and a bit "rambly" on occasions, but happy to send them to you.
Probably best to send them just one at a time, so that you don't try to change too much too quickly.
My "style" isn't for everyone though, but if you are interested PM me your email address.
Cheers,
Graham
Can I ask how you came to be living in the USA 20-odd years back?
It was just called MCI when I started working there, but after a year or so of me being there, it "merged" with Worldcom.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MCI_Inc.
At the time, I really didn't want to go to the US, but my wife did, and I was a "reluctant follower."
I have to say though, that it was/is a fantastic part of the world.
I used to live at the foot of Pikes Peak in the Rocky Mountains.
https://coloradosprings.gov/pikes-peak-americas-mountain
I probably should point out that I was an actor for a short period of time. (2004-2005)
I have a Post Graduate Diploma in Television Acting obtained at Redroof's Theatre School, the same place that Kate Winslet went.
And no, you wouldn't have seen me on Television as it was short lived, and like most actors, I went broke and had to go back to my day job in IT.
I did a few corporate videos and probably my biggest role was for a Japanese TV program called "Odd-Ball News" which was a TV series about farfetched, but true events.
For example, one was about a guy who married the wrong girl. Literally! It was the twin of who he thought he was marrying.
The one I was involved in was about a "Pole Dancer" that had an allergy to the metal pole! I was a drunken, front row letch who's "favourite" was the "allergy girl" and got really upset when she no longer showed up because of her allergy to the pole!
I remember the Film Director asking me to really get drunk, not just pretend to be, (probably thought my acting wasn't good enough when sober)
So take after take, I drank more and more "free beer" and letched at scantily clad women "dancing" on poles.
I don't remember much about it, but I do know the Director was very pleased with the outcome!
It was a tough role to take on, but somebody had to do it!
Going to pole dance clubs, strip bars, in real life, never appealed to me, always felt a bit tacky, not that I judge anyone that does enjoy them, but getting paid for going, was cool!
I also had an acting role as a "body guard" for the female owner of an illegal poker room, in a short film called, "Dancing with Fishes."
I was a "tough guy" with idiosyncraises like using a "titanic theme tune playing" lighter, while I lit a cigarette, and at the same time, turfed people out the club, or standing on, and threatening to cut off their fingers, until they paid their debts.
Some of the scenes were at Poker tables and this was long before I became a Poker player, funny how things work out in life.
Here is my short show reel (Apologies for some bad language at the end)
I read the book which covered the bankruptcy of Worldcom. Unbelievable stuff, talk about "stranger than fiction", that certainly was.
CEO Bernard Ebbers was eventually sent to prison for 25 years. He fell ill after 13 years, was released & died a few weeks later.
Some story, that.
i once considered trying to be an actor. My old school has produced a few, and they arranged for a (then very) famous actor to come to rehearsals for a play.
His verdict makes me laugh out loud to this day:-
"You have talent. But it is important to remember that there are a lot more Robert Redfords than Danny Devitos"
Yes, very true
But everyone loves Danny Devito!
PS Sent you a PM