Monday is now a bit of a blur, that was Day 1 which I had covered in a way the other day.
A small story first though about commitment and willingness. In December I had attended a "mind magic" course for 4 weeks. The course itself was hosted by a recently certified NLP practitioner and was lucky enough to be picked for his pilot course which had 5 others there. The commitment? To show up for 2 hours every Friday evening for 4 weeks. Not much of a commitment for something that would likely help with self improvement.
The course was completed by 4 out of the 6 who started the course. Believe one had a health issue and the other as far as I could tell dropped out.
The basic version is that we were identifying our weaknesses or thoughts which were holding us back in life. The idea was to turn these on it's head. That is the quick and easy way to explain it.
Was powerful and was advised along with the others at the start of the course to "go all-in" how fitting!
Back to this week, consisted of essentially staying busy. Three Brick and Mortars, Turning Point meetings, walking on the main and played a little Table Tennis at Link-Up group yesterday.
Would say the table tennis was the most enjoyable part of the week. Good numbers and a good crowd. We had 7 there yesterday and have 3 tables. If there is anyone on the forum who is in the North Ayrshire area I would highly recommend it. I believe it is a drop-in club. Can get this confirmed if anyone has any interest in popping their head in.
In the evening I had messaged Mark (TheEdge949) and we had an hour long conversation which felt productive, at least from my end. His ears maybe sore this morning as was talking ten to the dozen.
Today which is Day 5, I am currently doing Timing as well as meets and greets. It's a way of giving back and busying my fingers.
Later on I will be visiting the Turning Point sensory garden which can be as simple as turning up for tea and biscuits or working on the garden. Not sure how to play that one this afternoon.
Rounding up, I am happy to be busy, am enjoying the B&Ms, the zoom meetings and working on ironing out my own creases. That's a nice position to be in at the moment.
Iron Man had 3 in the third film afaik. 1m20s onwards
AAs are unpleasant and hard for others to help with. They can show in a few different ways and think this clip is a good way to show them
Besides that nothing much on the report, staying busy, hitting meetings on and offline while looking into obtaining the right brother/sister/sponsor/someone to walk shoulder to shoulder with.
Have a few requirements and hope the person can meet them and hope I can be a good teachable individual.....
This is an awesome thread. I used to live with an extreme alcoholic so I've seen first hand what it can do to people. It can get horrific. He's no longer with us anymore. RIP Scotty.
I have and have had a few different problems wrt to alcohol and substances. For me I am not drowning sorrows or anything like that. I just like to party harddddd and can't stop and it can go on for days and sometimes longer. Then I surface with plenty of stories but a lot less money. It's a grim cycle because it feels rewarding, based on the fun had, but relationships suffer every time to the point where I just cannot do it anymore. I'm always on the final straw.
I did have a flat out addiction to pot for 20 years+ which I've managed to kick. I'm now a huge advocate of not smoking pot. It creates useless individuals, who aren't much of a danger to society initially, but it's certainly a gateway and if not then they just **** out all the time doing nothing. There are exceptions but they are rare and those exceptions could probably seriously excel if they stopped smoking pot.
Above all the one thing that you can do for yourself is be strong. Everything else is just a side show as long as you have the will to succeed in stopping drinking. Every time you pick up the alcohol it's your decision and you need to have the will to not do so. Having a good angel, like a good woman, can be a huge help, but ultimately you can find the same drive within yourself to make the right choices, and you can do it. It's all too easy to slip tho and that's the problem and you must find the power to rise above the temptation every time. You know all of this though, I am sure, but it does not hurt to keep telling yourself you are strong and you can do this.
Try and get addicted to other wholesome things, even if you don't enjoy them at first. Nowadays I am addicted to getting out and walking miles in the middle of nowhere. I hated it for months but now my mind and body push me there because they know it makes me feel good. I literally crave it. Get obsessed with eating healthy food. It can fill gaps where temptation might enter.
Last thing that helped me was to focus on becoming a man of your word. If you say you are going to do something then you should fight to the end to make sure you do it.
I wish you all the power you can muster and I will send energy and power your way if that's even a thing. Just know that you are never ever alone on this journey and never ever will be.
The film "Flight" starring Denzel Washington has a brilliant scene in it.
Denzel, plays a pilot who whilst drunk saves a plane and all the passengers from catastrophe. He is both hero and villain.
All Denzel's character has to do to keep his job and hero status is turn up to the inquiry sober and coherent and his friends knowing this, empty the hotel room mini bar before he takes occupancy.
He notices that a maid has left an adjoining room door open and walks in and opens the mini bar and takes out a miniture of vodka.
The tension as the director gives us a superb will he wont he moment is a great piece of cinema. He puts the bottle on the top of the fridge and walks away.
Camera shot of close up on the bottle for about 10 seconds then a hand sweeps into shot and grabs the bottle.
Those who don't understand addiction really thought he was going to walk away. Those of us who have experienced dependency of one sort or another always knew he was going to pick it up.
I watched that film about 12 months into my rehab and still 100% teetotal, and as that scene unfolded I cried like a baby because I knew exactly what that situation felt like and knew the helplessness and desperation of that moment.
It's true. Anytime I am partying and someone passing a j around I almost always partake. I regret it almost instantly and stop soon after but not before the damage is done.
It's true. Anytime I am partying and someone passing a j around I almost always partake. I regret it almost instantly and stop soon after but not before the damage is done.
I'll say this , i smoked it for 30 years , i've never had a day off work because of it i've got a very strong marriage been with her for 28 years and i have to say the weed kept it together due to my anger and temper which mellowed the older i've got , i've brought 2 kids up in this enviroment both through uni successfully both with great personalities none have been any bother whilst growing up but i had to stop mainly for health and finance and it was just a pain getting it tbh I feel so much better now , focused and i'm glad i did it and should have done it years before i did , anyway Cammy you stick at it you'll be so much better and happier when you get through
The film "Flight" starring Denzel Washington has a brilliant scene in it.
Denzel, plays a pilot who whilst drunk saves a plane and all the passengers from catastrophe. He is both hero and villain.
All Denzel's character has to do to keep his job and hero status is turn up to the inquiry sober and coherent and his friends knowing this, empty the hotel room mini bar before he takes occupancy.
He notices that a maid has left an adjoining room door open and walks in and opens the mini bar and takes out a miniture of vodka.
The tension as the director gives us a superb will he wont he moment is a great piece of cinema. He puts the bottle on the top of the fridge and walks away.
Camera shot of close up on the bottle for about 10 seconds then a hand sweeps into shot and grabs the bottle.
Those who don't understand addiction really thought he was going to walk away. Those of us who have experienced dependency of one sort or another always knew he was going to pick it up.
I watched that film about 12 months into my rehab and still 100% teetotal, and as that scene unfolded I cried like a baby because I knew exactly what that situation felt like and knew the helplessness and desperation of that moment.
Really enjoyed that film and I admired the Denzel character for owning up to the fact he was intoxicated when flying the plane. His team were advising him to deny it and he could have easily and likely escaped the punishment of the crime. He didn't, guess he wished to unburden himself of his alcoholism and take responsibility for it to start to re-build.
That was my interpretation of the film at least. Great cast and he played it very well.
Day 10 Thursday - very brief and will maybe edit later
Busy day, Table Tennis, Turning Point meeting, met friend for early dinner and a glass of cola not a sentence that would have been used too often in the past and in the middle of the Rangers game. Could be 4 up so still a little sweat on.
Kemar Roofe goes offside too often and needs to time his runs better.
Day 12 was a tiring one while being mostly enjoyable. Woke up at 5am and then dozed until after 6am. Sleep route and schedule has been better and getting 5 hours straight through is a good night's sleep.
Not a disguised moan more than acknowledgement and noting there are a few stressors ongoing right now, all of which will likely work out.
Started the day off with the current morning ritual which consists of going on Facebook to see what is happening on the groups and communities that day.
Every Saturday there is a community breakfast which I believe is funded by the council. Had a full breakfast and bought banana milkshake as do not drink tea or coffee and was not up for Apple or Orange Juice yesterday. I go for the social aspect on the main as likely to bump into someone I know through others groups and organisations. It's good to change it up on a Saturday and have a breakfast in company too.
After breakfast I popped into mum's for a visit as she was going to my aunt's and hadn't spoken to her for a few days. She recently lost her older sister to dementia so try to make more of an effort to visit. Not always in the frame of mind for it however it's the right thing to do and she lives alone as well.
After the visit I attended the gardens with Turning Point, got there a little late however was to drop in before going to the Easter Fun Day at another community centre.
Went to the centre which was a 1 - 4 shift, was there to pass the time and get a bit of food and a chat what happened was quite different..... basically roped into manning a stall. The numbers were big and plenty of happy kids, there was a bouncy castle, beat the goalie, egg and spoon races, egg hunts and more.
Never comfortable in these sorts of environment and do need to push past the fear and engage with other parents, talking to the kids is a lot easier I find.
Rounded up the day by heading into AA meetings and playing a bit of poker. Poker side was ok, qualified for the Main in a 3.30 satellite and shoved 77 into a UTG limped AA. That's all she wrote for that one. Rest of the tourneys on the whole were damp squid.
****Not a photographer so unsure if I need to give the source of the pictures. These were not taking by myself and were taken by a 'proper' photographer.****
Had lifted these from the facebook page of the community centre. Anyone knows the 'rules' on this at all?
Hi Cammy. Those pics are fabulous, thanks for sharing them with us, seems like you all had a great day- something to look back on with fondness when the devil inside you rears it’s ugly head.
This is such a great thread, I used to do a kind of diary on here reporting on my cancer treatment and follow up, it’s threads like this which are prompting me to start another one , kinda like life in recovery and remission, I’ll give it a little more thought., the thoughts are always there of “ who wants to read a boring life story on a poker forum”,but the last one helped me a lot.
Hi Cammy. Those pics are fabulous, thanks for sharing them with us, seems like you all had a great day- something to look back on with fondness when the devil inside you rears it’s ugly head.
This is such a great thread, I used to do a kind of diary on here reporting on my cancer treatment and follow up, it’s threads like this which are prompting me to start another one , kinda like life in recovery and remission, I’ll give it a little more thought., the thoughts are always there of “ who wants to read a boring life story on a poker forum”,but the last one helped me a lot.
Take care, and have a great Easter weekend.
I hope you do go ahead with a diary for this. Thanks for your comments, it was a good day with a couple of challenges and a bit of thinking on the spot.
Speaking of pictures - this one is up there for me. The situation and seeing two content kids is a lovely sight.
Picture of Rudy and my mates little girl. This was taken 2 years ago, I know this as it popped up as a memory the other day, thought this was lost due to lack of backups.
Rarely have pop ups on my phone or laptop and tend to mute most, this is one of the few moments where being disrupted worked out very well.
A chap appears to be willing to take me through the Big Book and appeared to agree to messaging a few times a week with some phone calls as well.
His task:- to read the section The Doctor's Opinion each day for 30 days.
Slight confusion with this and does seem mundane. I am sure there is a method to this and he spoke about a "red flag" as I was sharing parts of my life with him.
Not going to overanalyse this and will put the work in, if he wants me to do this I will.
Rest of Sunday was a mostly chill one, messages back and forth with friends and fellows. Bit of poker, youtube and got a good sleep last night. One downside on the poker front I feel asleep in the middle of the Mini Major
Ticking off the days as they come, staying busy etc couple of 'nearly lifts' on the Friday and Saturday with Friday being a particularly close call. Friday has always been a danger day and kicks off the drinking again with GBX and other music on that night, one of the triggers!
Had a debate with a close family member on that day which could have been handled a lot better from both sides. I will take the hit for most of it as have been in better moods. Do not wish to go into much, if any detail about it as it was rough. Basically the 'white mist' descended and I lost control of my emotions. Do wish to really get into the swing of staying calm in position where disagreements can occur.
After the event I drove off and went to beach area to cool off, was really struggling still and was about midday when I arrived. Did what needed done and make the call.
Called someone I am in contact with on and off from an Online Group and had built a bit of trust with him, he gave good counsel on what to do next.
Basically the advise was do not head into a bar or pub to order food incase I get thirsty. The advise was to head to a cafe and get some food as was tired, lonely and hungry in his words. He was spot on on this occasion. I was all three plus het up after the argument. That was as real as it got over the weekend.
Saturday was another day where I was still on the topic of Friday's frustration and made the call to Mark. He was good value and glad the call was done, had a chat about Friday's incident as well as covering family, life and poker of course Thank you mate! 👍
In-between I did the daily routines of cold showers, service, B & Ms, online Zoom meetings and chatting to family, friends and acquaintances by call and text.
The days can be quite routine and frankly and a tad boring. Rather that than back to the madness of drinking and debauchery.
Can be pleasant out there without needing to seek comfort at the bottom of a beer glass. Less drama too.
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another hu-man being the exact nature of our wrongs. — TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 55
Since it is true that God comes to me through people, I can see that by keeping people at a distance I also keep God at a distance. God is nearer to me than I think and I can experience Him by loving people and allowing people to love me. But I can neither love nor be loved if I allow my secrets to get in the way. It's the side of myself that I refuse to look at that rules me. I must be willing to look at the dark side in order to heal my mind and heart because that is the road to freedom. I must walk into darkness to find the light and walk into fear to find peace. By revealing my secrets – and thereby ridding myself of guilt – I can actually change my thinking; by altering my thinking, I can change myself. My thoughts create my future. What I will be tomorrow is determined by what I think today.
Comments
Monday is now a bit of a blur, that was Day 1 which I had covered in a way the other day.
A small story first though about commitment and willingness. In December I had attended a "mind magic" course for 4 weeks. The course itself was hosted by a recently certified NLP practitioner and was lucky enough to be picked for his pilot course which had 5 others there. The commitment? To show up for 2 hours every Friday evening for 4 weeks. Not much of a commitment for something that would likely help with self improvement.
The course was completed by 4 out of the 6 who started the course. Believe one had a health issue and the other as far as I could tell dropped out.
The basic version is that we were identifying our weaknesses or thoughts which were holding us back in life. The idea was to turn these on it's head. That is the quick and easy way to explain it.
Was powerful and was advised along with the others at the start of the course to "go all-in" how fitting!
Back to this week, consisted of essentially staying busy. Three Brick and Mortars, Turning Point meetings, walking on the main and played a little Table Tennis at Link-Up group yesterday.
Would say the table tennis was the most enjoyable part of the week. Good numbers and a good crowd. We had 7 there yesterday and have 3 tables. If there is anyone on the forum who is in the North Ayrshire area I would highly recommend it. I believe it is a drop-in club. Can get this confirmed if anyone has any interest in popping their head in.
In the evening I had messaged Mark (TheEdge949) and we had an hour long conversation which felt productive, at least from my end. His ears maybe sore this morning as was talking ten to the dozen.
Today which is Day 5, I am currently doing Timing as well as meets and greets. It's a way of giving back and busying my fingers.
Later on I will be visiting the Turning Point sensory garden which can be as simple as turning up for tea and biscuits or working on the garden. Not sure how to play that one this afternoon.
Rounding up, I am happy to be busy, am enjoying the B&Ms, the zoom meetings and working on ironing out my own creases. That's a nice position to be in at the moment.
Iron Man had 3 in the third film afaik. 1m20s onwards
AAs are unpleasant and hard for others to help with. They can show in a few different ways and think this clip is a good way to show them
Besides that nothing much on the report, staying busy, hitting meetings on and offline while looking into obtaining the right brother/sister/sponsor/someone to walk shoulder to shoulder with.
Have a few requirements and hope the person can meet them and hope I can be a good teachable individual.....
I have and have had a few different problems wrt to alcohol and substances. For me I am not drowning sorrows or anything like that. I just like to party harddddd and can't stop and it can go on for days and sometimes longer. Then I surface with plenty of stories but a lot less money. It's a grim cycle because it feels rewarding, based on the fun had, but relationships suffer every time to the point where I just cannot do it anymore. I'm always on the final straw.
I did have a flat out addiction to pot for 20 years+ which I've managed to kick. I'm now a huge advocate of not smoking pot. It creates useless individuals, who aren't much of a danger to society initially, but it's certainly a gateway and if not then they just **** out all the time doing nothing. There are exceptions but they are rare and those exceptions could probably seriously excel if they stopped smoking pot.
Above all the one thing that you can do for yourself is be strong. Everything else is just a side show as long as you have the will to succeed in stopping drinking. Every time you pick up the alcohol it's your decision and you need to have the will to not do so. Having a good angel, like a good woman, can be a huge help, but ultimately you can find the same drive within yourself to make the right choices, and you can do it. It's all too easy to slip tho and that's the problem and you must find the power to rise above the temptation every time. You know all of this though, I am sure, but it does not hurt to keep telling yourself you are strong and you can do this.
Try and get addicted to other wholesome things, even if you don't enjoy them at first. Nowadays I am addicted to getting out and walking miles in the middle of nowhere. I hated it for months but now my mind and body push me there because they know it makes me feel good. I literally crave it. Get obsessed with eating healthy food. It can fill gaps where temptation might enter.
Last thing that helped me was to focus on becoming a man of your word. If you say you are going to do something then you should fight to the end to make sure you do it.
I wish you all the power you can muster and I will send energy and power your way if that's even a thing. Just know that you are never ever alone on this journey and never ever will be.
Denzel, plays a pilot who whilst drunk saves a plane and all the passengers from catastrophe. He is both hero and villain.
All Denzel's character has to do to keep his job and hero status is turn up to the inquiry sober and coherent and his friends knowing this, empty the hotel room mini bar before he takes occupancy.
He notices that a maid has left an adjoining room door open and walks in and opens the mini bar and takes out a miniture of vodka.
The tension as the director gives us a superb will he wont he moment is a great piece of cinema. He puts the bottle on the top of the fridge and walks away.
Camera shot of close up on the bottle for about 10 seconds then a hand sweeps into shot and grabs the bottle.
Those who don't understand addiction really thought he was going to walk away. Those of us who have experienced dependency of one sort or another always knew he was going to pick it up.
I watched that film about 12 months into my rehab and still 100% teetotal, and as that scene unfolded I cried like a baby because I knew exactly what that situation felt like and knew the helplessness and desperation of that moment.
none have been any bother whilst growing up but i had to stop mainly for health and finance and it was just a pain getting it tbh
I feel so much better now , focused and i'm glad i did it and should have done it years before i did , anyway Cammy you stick at it you'll be so much better and happier when you get through
That was my interpretation of the film at least. Great cast and he played it very well.
Busy day, Table Tennis, Turning Point meeting, met friend for early dinner and a glass of cola not a sentence that would have been used too often in the past
Kemar Roofe goes offside too often and needs to time his runs better.
inspirational Cammy, but I do hope The Rangers lose at the weekend lol.
Day 12 was a tiring one while being mostly enjoyable. Woke up at 5am and then dozed until after 6am. Sleep route and schedule has been better and getting 5 hours straight through is a good night's sleep.
Not a disguised moan more than acknowledgement and noting there are a few stressors ongoing right now, all of which will likely work out.
Started the day off with the current morning ritual which consists of going on Facebook to see what is happening on the groups and communities that day.
Every Saturday there is a community breakfast which I believe is funded by the council. Had a full breakfast and bought banana milkshake as do not drink tea or coffee and was not up for Apple or Orange Juice yesterday. I go for the social aspect on the main as likely to bump into someone I know through others groups and organisations. It's good to change it up on a Saturday and have a breakfast in company too.
After breakfast I popped into mum's for a visit as she was going to my aunt's and hadn't spoken to her for a few days. She recently lost her older sister to dementia so try to make more of an effort to visit. Not always in the frame of mind for it however it's the right thing to do and she lives alone as well.
After the visit I attended the gardens with Turning Point, got there a little late however was to drop in before going to the Easter Fun Day at another community centre.
Went to the centre which was a 1 - 4 shift, was there to pass the time and get a bit of food and a chat
Never comfortable in these sorts of environment and do need to push past the fear and engage with other parents, talking to the kids is a lot easier I find.
Rounded up the day by heading into AA meetings and playing a bit of poker. Poker side was ok, qualified for the Main in a 3.30 satellite and shoved 77 into a UTG limped AA. That's all she wrote for that one. Rest of the tourneys on the whole were damp squid.
****Not a photographer so unsure if I need to give the source of the pictures. These were not taking by myself and were taken by a 'proper' photographer.****
Had lifted these from the facebook page of the community centre. Anyone knows the 'rules' on this at all?
Those pics are fabulous, thanks for sharing them with us, seems like you all had a great day- something to look back on with fondness when the devil inside you rears it’s ugly head.
This is such a great thread, I used to do a kind of diary on here reporting on my cancer treatment and follow up, it’s threads like this which are prompting me to start another one , kinda like life in recovery and remission, I’ll give it a little more thought., the thoughts are always there of “ who wants to read a boring life story on a poker forum”,but the last one helped me a lot.
Take care, and have a great Easter weekend.
@tomgoodun
Go on Tom, it would be very well received.
A day for the kids not the adults.
Picture of Rudy and my mates little girl. This was taken 2 years ago, I know this as it popped up as a memory the other day, thought this was lost due to lack of backups.
Rarely have pop ups on my phone or laptop and tend to mute most, this is one of the few moments where being disrupted worked out very well.
A chap appears to be willing to take me through the Big Book and appeared to agree to messaging a few times a week with some phone calls as well.
His task:- to read the section The Doctor's Opinion each day for 30 days.
Slight confusion with this and does seem mundane. I am sure there is a method to this and he spoke about a "red flag" as I was sharing parts of my life with him.
Not going to overanalyse this and will put the work in, if he wants me to do this I will.
Rest of Sunday was a mostly chill one, messages back and forth with friends and fellows. Bit of poker, youtube and got a good sleep last night. One downside on the poker front I feel asleep in the middle of the Mini Major
You're doing fantastic, keep it up.
Ticking off the days as they come, staying busy etc couple of 'nearly lifts' on the Friday and Saturday with Friday being a particularly close call. Friday has always been a danger day and kicks off the drinking again with GBX and other music on that night, one of the triggers!
Had a debate with a close family member on that day which could have been handled a lot better from both sides. I will take the hit for most of it as have been in better moods. Do not wish to go into much, if any detail about it as it was rough. Basically the 'white mist' descended and I lost control of my emotions. Do wish to really get into the swing of staying calm in position where disagreements can occur.
After the event I drove off and went to beach area to cool off, was really struggling still and was about midday when I arrived. Did what needed done and make the call.
Called someone I am in contact with on and off from an Online Group and had built a bit of trust with him, he gave good counsel on what to do next.
Basically the advise was do not head into a bar or pub to order food incase I get thirsty. The advise was to head to a cafe and get some food as was tired, lonely and hungry in his words. He was spot on on this occasion. I was all three plus het up after the argument. That was as real as it got over the weekend.
Saturday was another day where I was still on the topic of Friday's frustration and made the call to Mark. He was good value and glad the call was done, had a chat about Friday's incident as well as covering family, life and poker of course
In-between I did the daily routines of cold showers, service, B & Ms, online Zoom meetings and chatting to family, friends and acquaintances by call and text.
The days can be quite routine and frankly and a tad boring. Rather that than back to the madness of drinking and debauchery.
Can be pleasant out there without needing to seek comfort at the bottom of a beer glass. Less drama too.
Happy Sunday all!
Cammy
May 1
HEALING HEART AND MIND
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another hu-man being the exact nature of our wrongs.
— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 55
Since it is true that God comes to me through people, I can see that by keeping people at a distance I also keep God at a distance. God is nearer to me than I think and I can experience Him by loving people and allowing people to love me. But I can neither love nor be loved if I allow my secrets to get in the way. It's the side of myself that I refuse to look at that rules me. I must be willing to look at the dark side in order to heal my mind and heart because that is the road to freedom. I must walk into darkness to find the light and walk into fear to find peace. By revealing my secrets – and thereby ridding myself of guilt – I can actually change my thinking; by altering my thinking, I can change myself. My thoughts create my future. What I will be tomorrow is determined by what I think today.