Ticking off the days as they come, staying busy etc couple of 'nearly lifts' on the Friday and Saturday with Friday being a particularly close call. Friday has always been a danger day and kicks off the drinking again with GBX and other music on that night, one of the triggers!
Had a debate with a close family member on that day which could have been handled a lot better from both sides. I will take the hit for most of it as have been in better moods. Do not wish to go into much, if any detail about it as it was rough. Basically the 'white mist' descended and I lost control of my emotions. Do wish to really get into the swing of staying calm in position where disagreements can occur.
After the event I drove off and went to beach area to cool off, was really struggling still and was about midday when I arrived. Did what needed done and make the call.
Called someone I am in contact with on and off from an Online Group and had built a bit of trust with him, he gave good counsel on what to do next.
Basically the advise was do not head into a bar or pub to order food incase I get thirsty. The advise was to head to a cafe and get some food as was tired, lonely and hungry in his words. He was spot on on this occasion. I was all three plus het up after the argument. That was as real as it got over the weekend.
Saturday was another day where I was still on the topic of Friday's frustration and made the call to Mark. He was good value and glad the call was done, had a chat about Friday's incident as well as covering family, life and poker of course Thank you mate! 👍
In-between I did the daily routines of cold showers, service, B & Ms, online Zoom meetings and chatting to family, friends and acquaintances by call and text.
The days can be quite routine and frankly and a tad boring. Rather that than back to the madness of drinking and debauchery.
Can be pleasant out there without needing to seek comfort at the bottom of a beer glass. Less drama too.
Happy Sunday all!
Cammy
Just keep doing what you're doing mate.
It doesn't neccessarily get easiser, but the coping strategies and mechanisms do become a more natural process so you will automatically find yourself handling the triggers more effectively as they present themselves.
This is turn does make it feel easier and therefore less demanding. You're doing really well buddy.
Sometimes and a lot of the time I don't feel I have much to say and don't wish this to be a boring blog.
Quick status report Day 7
Bumped into a primary school friend last Tuesday on the bus on the way to one of the bigger towns here and we got chatting (not seen him for many years). Being two Scottish guys in their mid to late thirties we went for a pint which ended up being 6 more. Was a nice catch-up and we got a good laugh - was great to run into him.
Did the old "ah I can do 1" thing which just does not work for me as I am an admitted alcoholic and impulsive and compulsive individual who wanders around at times
Meantime - starting service training today which I am looking forward to. It involves Meeting and Greeting and although I have did the M Ging prior this is now the start of "officially" being part of the team.
Just a check-in really and a quick update on AA and life stuff.
On the poker front will be going for it a bit more with July being Double Points month and enjoying being back again. Have been playing the past few days with a little success and FT's in the £5ers and £2/£3 games. Have deposited £100 over the past couple of weeks to see where it goes as well.
Bankroll is over £200 so that is a nice start to the account.
Feel like a challenge to help more with the focus so will have a think on that one.
Life is going ok, nothing too exciting going on and more a check-in.
Have felt old habits creeping in again by withdrawing from fitness group a little and putting on a few pounds. Will push through and on the list for a free ticket to a running event on Sunday as looking to stop the slide.
General life engagement could be better as well although have been on the phone a lot more with members while upping the contact list too.
Phoned an old "fav" from the program last night who is in and out of AA and they answered the phone. We had a 90 minute update chat was cool and pleased with how it went on the whole.
Today I will be in training for Chair position for Online Home Group. They are struggling for a chair at certain parts of the week so looking to help out more in service - not a position I am 100% comfortable with as like to blend in at times however have decided to do the training regardless. Not tied down as such and others can step in. Ideally would be as last resort if no-one steps up.
A check-in and looking to get a routine going with this no matter how great or small things are. A weekly or bi-weekly would maybe be the way to do this so let's see.
This week I had set a goal of attending 2 new groups and 2 new events (at least group or event I hadn't attending in over 6 months)
Monday was an old mental health meeting in Glasgow that I had went to twice pre-covid. Had a reason to be in Glasgow that day and was getting sick of the site of Ayrshire as well.
Change was needed and what a win this was. Had a good laugh at the group (it's a casual peer to peer one) and ended up out for dinner after it. 8 went to the group and 4 stayed, one chap in particular with zero, and I mean ZERO filter! You think you have no filter until you meet some people. Will make a point of hitting that one every 4 - 6 weeks so a new avenue of sorts.
AA wise - have been pulling back a little, not too much as have been attending and was getting caught up with it while it was having an affect on my mood and not doing enough outwith it
Have had closer contact with one or two more recently which sometimes turns into a daily call. Must say I am enjoying this as loneliness and boredom are "triggers" for my alcohol in-take, it's definitely helping to be in near daily contact with a couple of members.
Have been messaging another member most days who is of similar nature to do check-ins with and note what our plans are that day. Feels like mutual benefit and wish to stick with this.
Consistency has always been an issue and all this is helping - no doubt about it.
Poker wise - going ok nothing to write home about. A win in a £11 mid-afternoon game the other day which is nice and good for confidence. Pushed through with a smaller stack and had hands at the right time while they held and took it. 1st win in a few weeks I believe.
Comments
It doesn't neccessarily get easiser, but the coping strategies and mechanisms do become a more natural process so you will automatically find yourself handling the triggers more effectively as they present themselves.
This is turn does make it feel easier and therefore less demanding. You're doing really well buddy.
Enjoyed the chat, speak soon.
Mark
A shock for the club and anyone associated with the team. Very sad!
Tributes pouring in of course and from both sides of the OF.
The clubs statement - https://www.rangers.co.uk/Article/jimmy-bell/71Y9scUTE9goBv3dPgOwpL
Talksports view https://talksport.com/football/1100381/rangers-kitman-jimmy-bell-tributes-jim-white/
Scotsman newspaper - https://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/other/jimmy-bell-rangers-devastation-at-death-of-legendary-kit-man/ar-AAWS4Z9?ocid=BingNewsSearch
Heart-breaker for the club
Sometimes and a lot of the time I don't feel I have much to say and don't wish this to be a boring blog.
Quick status report Day 7
Bumped into a primary school friend last Tuesday on the bus on the way to one of the bigger towns here and we got chatting (not seen him for many years). Being two Scottish guys in their mid to late thirties we went for a pint which ended up being 6 more. Was a nice catch-up and we got a good laugh - was great to run into him.
Did the old "ah I can do 1" thing which just does not work for me as I am an admitted alcoholic and impulsive and compulsive individual who wanders around at times
Meantime - starting service training today which I am looking forward to. It involves Meeting and Greeting and although I have did the M Ging prior this is now the start of "officially" being part of the team.
Just a check-in really and a quick update on AA and life stuff.
On the poker front will be going for it a bit more with July being Double Points month and enjoying being back again. Have been playing the past few days with a little success and FT's in the £5ers and £2/£3 games. Have deposited £100 over the past couple of weeks to see where it goes as well.
Bankroll is over £200 so that is a nice start to the account.
Feel like a challenge to help more with the focus so will have a think on that one.
Thanks for viewing and have a good day all!
Cammy
Just take each day as it comes, and above all else. Enjoy life and look after yourself.
Have felt old habits creeping in again by withdrawing from fitness group a little and putting on a few pounds. Will push through and on the list for a free ticket to a running event on Sunday as looking to stop the slide.
General life engagement could be better as well although have been on the phone a lot more with members while upping the contact list too.
Phoned an old "fav" from the program last night who is in and out of AA and they answered the phone. We had a 90 minute update chat was cool and pleased with how it went on the whole.
Today I will be in training for Chair position for Online Home Group. They are struggling for a chair at certain parts of the week so looking to help out more in service - not a position I am 100% comfortable with as like to blend in at times however have decided to do the training regardless. Not tied down as such and others can step in. Ideally would be as last resort if no-one steps up.
Adiós for now!
This week I had set a goal of attending 2 new groups and 2 new events (at least group or event I hadn't attending in over 6 months)
Monday was an old mental health meeting in Glasgow that I had went to twice pre-covid. Had a reason to be in Glasgow that day and was getting sick of the site of Ayrshire as well.
Change was needed and what a win this was. Had a good laugh at the group (it's a casual peer to peer one) and ended up out for dinner after it. 8 went to the group and 4 stayed, one chap in particular with zero, and I mean ZERO filter! You think you have no filter until you meet some people. Will make a point of hitting that one every 4 - 6 weeks so a new avenue of sorts.
AA wise - have been pulling back a little, not too much as have been attending and was getting caught up with it while it was having an affect on my mood and not doing enough outwith it
Have had closer contact with one or two more recently which sometimes turns into a daily call. Must say I am enjoying this as loneliness and boredom are "triggers" for my alcohol in-take, it's definitely helping to be in near daily contact with a couple of members.
Have been messaging another member most days who is of similar nature to do check-ins with and note what our plans are that day. Feels like mutual benefit and wish to stick with this.
Consistency has always been an issue and all this is helping - no doubt about it.
Poker wise - going ok nothing to write home about. A win in a £11 mid-afternoon game the other day which is nice and good for confidence. Pushed through with a smaller stack and had hands at the right time while they held and took it. 1st win in a few weeks I believe.
Happy "hump day" all!