A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was playing with extraordinary performance. “This is a very smart dog,” the man commented. “Not so smart,” said one of the players, “every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail.”
ian fraizer is driving home after winning his golf tourney and realises he needs petrol.after filling up his mercedes he goes to pay.the cashier looks at him puzzled and asks him whats in his pocket.ian pulls out his golf tee and says it's for puttin my balls on the cashier looks at him and says blimey those blokes at mercedes think of everything.
BABY POLAR BEAR SAID TO MUMMY POLAR BEAR HEY MUM WHAT KIND OF A BEAR AM I MUMMY BEAR SAID UR A POLAR BEAR SON HE SAID AM NOT A BROWN BEAR OR A PANDA BEAR NO SON YOU ARE A POLAR BEAR WHY ARE YOU ASKING BECAUSE AM FREEZZING
- - - - - - - - - - - - - I just got a bad beat so I hope you like this :-( - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Scottishman, Englishman and an Irishman on a building site working away.
It comes to their lunch break. So the Scottish opens up his lunch an see's he had pieces and cheese: "I HATE cheese! Thats it, if I get cheese again tommorow I'm jumping off this building site!"
The Englishman opens up his lunchbox: "Cheese for me too! I will jump with you if I get cheese too!!!!"
The Irishman opens up his lunchbox: *sigh* - "I have cheese too, the wife knows I don't like cheese in my pieces. I'm jumping off with yous if it's cheese again tomorrow"
The next day comes and it's their lunch break.
Scottishman opens up his lunchbox: "Cheese again, that's it im jumping"... So he dies
Englishman opens up his lunchbox: "I've got cheese too" ... So he jumps off to his death
Lastly, the Irishman opens up his lunchbox and looks down at his cheese sandwiches and jumps also.
A few days later it comes to their funerals.
The 3 wifes are outside after the funeral discussing why the jumped off:
Scottishmans wife: "I don't understand, if he didn't want cheese he should just have told me!"
Englishmans wife: "I wouldn't have gave my husband cheese if I knew he didn't like it"
Irishmans wife: "YOU'S TWO DONT UNDERSTAND?!?!?! MY HUSBAND MAKES HIS OWN SANDWICHES!"
Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots. They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They s..w themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, the rabbits get to talking.
`I`m gonna go back to that field of carrots,` says one.
`I`m gonna go back to those cute little rabbits,` says the second.
`I`m going back to the lab,` says the third. `I`m dying for a cigarette.`
Jesus walks into a hotel. He hands the inkeeper three nails and asks...`Can you put me up for the night?`
A lady walks into her doctors office screaming.
She yells, `Doctor, Doctor my breasts are hairy! What do I do?`
The doctor asks, `Well, how long does the hair grow?`
The lady replies, `From here to my p...s, but that`s a different story!`
Comments
What is the difference between an orthopaedic surgeon and a rhino?
one is small brained, thick skined and charges alot. The other one is a rhino
You can get a drink out of a coconut!
The wife just told me that the characature of richard orfford (just shown) looks like ronald macdonal withouth the makup!!!
hi guys
joke 4 ya
ian fraizer is driving home after winning his golf tourney and realises he needs petrol.after filling up his mercedes he goes to pay.the cashier looks at him puzzled and asks him whats in his pocket.ian pulls out his golf tee and says it's for puttin my balls on the cashier looks at him and says blimey those blokes at mercedes think of everything.
great show as always
because his got little legs
mat in luton
aka matty007
what do you call a man with a shoval on his head? Doug!
whithout a shoval? Dougless!
I just got a bad beat so I hope you like this :-(
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Scottishman, Englishman and an Irishman on a building site working away.
It comes to their lunch break. So the Scottish opens up his lunch an see's he had pieces and cheese:
"I HATE cheese! Thats it, if I get cheese again tommorow I'm jumping off this building site!"
The Englishman opens up his lunchbox:
"Cheese for me too! I will jump with you if I get cheese too!!!!"
The Irishman opens up his lunchbox:
*sigh* - "I have cheese too, the wife knows I don't like cheese in my pieces. I'm jumping off with yous if it's cheese again tomorrow"
The next day comes and it's their lunch break.
Scottishman opens up his lunchbox:
"Cheese again, that's it im jumping"... So he dies
Englishman opens up his lunchbox:
"I've got cheese too" ... So he jumps off to his death
Lastly, the Irishman opens up his lunchbox and looks down at his cheese sandwiches and jumps also.
A few days later it comes to their funerals.
The 3 wifes are outside after the funeral discussing why the jumped off:
Scottishmans wife:
"I don't understand, if he didn't want cheese he should just have told me!"
Englishmans wife:
"I wouldn't have gave my husband cheese if I knew he didn't like it"
Irishmans wife:
"YOU'S TWO DONT UNDERSTAND?!?!?! MY HUSBAND MAKES HIS OWN SANDWICHES!"
Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots. They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They s..w themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, the rabbits get to talking.
`I`m gonna go back to that field of carrots,` says one.
`I`m gonna go back to those cute little rabbits,` says the second.
`I`m going back to the lab,` says the third. `I`m dying for a cigarette.`Jesus walks into a hotel. He hands the inkeeper three nails and asks...`Can you put me up for the night?`
A lady walks into her doctors office screaming.
She yells, `Doctor, Doctor my breasts are hairy! What do I do?`
The doctor asks, `Well, how long does the hair grow?`
The lady replies, `From here to my p...s, but that`s a different story!`there are 5 emo's in a room which one is the most upset?
The one that has not got a corner to cry in
Wow, what site are they downloading them off? It's free for me...
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.