As this once-big club continues to try and pay squillions for Ajax Reserves and Madrid 3rd-teamers who seemingly would rather warm a bench, here is a way it could improve.
I'll set the scene. Man Utd. Bottom of the table. About to play Liverpool. Their only signing in this alternate universe? A 16-yr-old Forward. From Afghanistan. Who no-one has seen play.
There is a sudden injury crisis at Man Utd. Ronaldo is out for 2 months with a bad case of Dandruff. Rashford has an injured Pride. Sancho out with an unspecified injury, believed to be a total lack of talent. Every other forward, other than Martial, injured.
Difficult decision for ten Hag-Martial, or a kid no-one has heard of or seen? Close call-but he goes for Martial, with the Afghani on the Bench.
As half-time approaches, it is Man U 0-2 Liverpool. When Martial has to go off with a badly broken fingernail. And on comes the Kid.
What happens next is a dream. The 16-yr-old scores with his first touch. Gets a perfect hat-trick (left foot, right foot, head) with the last kick of the game. Man U 3-2 Liverpool. And the crowd goes wild. The 16-yr-old is chaired off the pitch by adoring fans who smell faintly of prawn sandwiches.
Ten Hag approaches the kid. Says to him-"take my phone. Ring home to your parents-they will be so proud."
He rings. His Mother answers the phone. But she is crying, and not listening to her son. He says-"why are you not pleased for me?"
She replies "I am. But more important things have happened. Your father has been shot in relation to drug exports. Your sister-gang ra ped."
"Why is that my fault?" he said.
"Well it was your idea to move us all to Manchester"...
Englishman, Scotsman, Irishman, and a Welshman go for a slap up meal. When they are finished the Scotsman says I will pay. Headlines in the following mornings paper. English ventriloquist found stabbed to death in alley.
However, it is not true. Nobody of that name ever played for Arsenal. And that picture looks like Liam Brady. Were some similar real jokes about the West Ham player Julian Dicks.
On a side note, it is believed that no Jewish player has ever played for Arsenal. This is not because of Spurs' Jewish connections.
It is because you have to be a complete pr1ck to play for Arsenal
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As this once-big club continues to try and pay squillions for Ajax Reserves and Madrid 3rd-teamers who seemingly would rather warm a bench, here is a way it could improve.
I'll set the scene. Man Utd. Bottom of the table. About to play Liverpool. Their only signing in this alternate universe? A 16-yr-old Forward. From Afghanistan. Who no-one has seen play.
There is a sudden injury crisis at Man Utd. Ronaldo is out for 2 months with a bad case of Dandruff. Rashford has an injured Pride. Sancho out with an unspecified injury, believed to be a total lack of talent. Every other forward, other than Martial, injured.
Difficult decision for ten Hag-Martial, or a kid no-one has heard of or seen? Close call-but he goes for Martial, with the Afghani on the Bench.
As half-time approaches, it is Man U 0-2 Liverpool. When Martial has to go off with a badly broken fingernail. And on comes the Kid.
What happens next is a dream. The 16-yr-old scores with his first touch. Gets a perfect hat-trick (left foot, right foot, head) with the last kick of the game. Man U 3-2 Liverpool. And the crowd goes wild. The 16-yr-old is chaired off the pitch by adoring fans who smell faintly of prawn sandwiches.
Ten Hag approaches the kid. Says to him-"take my phone. Ring home to your parents-they will be so proud."
He rings. His Mother answers the phone. But she is crying, and not listening to her son. He says-"why are you not pleased for me?"
She replies "I am. But more important things have happened. Your father has been shot in relation to drug exports. Your sister-gang ra ped."
"Why is that my fault?" he said.
"Well it was your idea to move us all to Manchester"...
Not only our top 100 metre hurdler. She is also the answer to the question
"When is Christmas"?
When they are finished the Scotsman says I will pay.
Headlines in the following mornings paper.
English ventriloquist found stabbed to death in alley.
However, it is not true. Nobody of that name ever played for Arsenal. And that picture looks like Liam Brady. Were some similar real jokes about the West Ham player Julian Dicks.
On a side note, it is believed that no Jewish player has ever played for Arsenal. This is not because of Spurs' Jewish connections.
It is because you have to be a complete pr1ck to play for Arsenal