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Joke section.

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  • MISTY4MEMISTY4ME Member Posts: 6,317
    edited April 2017
    In Response to Re: Joke section.:
    Paddy + Mick where watching the match on TV and having a few scotch, when the game ended, Mick goes to go home 0pens the door and it's pi ssing down, Stay here the night says Paddy, i'll go up and get the spare bed ready. Paddy comes down and there's Mick standing in the hallway ringing wet. What the fook did you go out for asks Paddy, well i had to go home and get my pajamas.
    Posted by tomo_efc
    CLASS ...... (:D}
  • goldongoldon Member Posts: 9,054
    edited August 2017
    Paddy & Mick applied for their new "Blue Passports" and were disappointed there were no nude pictures in them.!




    (disclaimer)  Paddy & Mick are random names plucked from a Hat.
  • goldongoldon Member Posts: 9,054
    edited August 2017
    Paddy tell's Mick he's applied to be on  TV  "Love Island " show for two weeks.

    Mick tell's him .... you have no chance 80,000 have applied.

     "Blimey said,  Paddy," just as well.    I don't think I could manage that many in two weeks.
  • goldongoldon Member Posts: 9,054
    edited October 2017
    Paddy ask's Mick, "What can I get my cheeky Girlfriend for her Birthday."   Tricky one, say's Mick,  best to ask her what she want's.   Some weeks later Paddy looking very glum meets Mick in the Pub.  What's up Paddy,  ask's Mick.
    Well, said Paddy,  the Girlfriend was not best pleased with the Heavy Duty Springs I bought her for her Birthday.  Mick said, why on earth did you buy her them.  Well said, Paddy, when I asked her what she wanted for her birthday  she said with a smile,   she would love a hard ride in the back of her car.
  • CammykazeCammykaze Member Posts: 1,397
    edited October 2017
    What kind of shampoo does the Prime Minister use?

    Tresemme
  • CammykazeCammykaze Member Posts: 1,397
    edited October 2017
    Paddy and Mick are walking down the street and Mick falls down a hole.

    Paddy shouts down "Are ye alrigh' there Mick"

    Mick replies "Yeah Paddy, there's loads of milk down there"

    Paddy says "Is it pasteurised"

    Mick shouts up "Na, its only up to me knees"


  • goldongoldon Member Posts: 9,054
    edited October 2017
    Mick takes Paddy to the races and they pick out a horse.  Mick sends Paddy to put the bet on, but he does'nt come back.  Mick finally spots him down at the start line and ask's him why he's there.  "Paddy say's, he did it e/w and was waiting for it to come back."
  • CATCH-22CATCH-22 Member Posts: 270
    edited October 2017
    sigh
  • goldongoldon Member Posts: 9,054
    CATCH-22 said:

    sigh

    No " Neigh "
  • goldongoldon Member Posts: 9,054
    Paddy & Mick start a "Painting & Decorating" Business Mick sends Paddy out house calling to get work. Two hours later Paddy call's Mick from the Police station to come and get him, he'd been arrested. Mick arrives at the Station and ask's why he's been arrested. The Officer said, "Sexual Harassment."
    Mick confronts Paddy "What the xxx you doing.! Paddy said, Knocked on the door Woman answered. I only asked if she had any bedroom job's needed doing and offered her discount if she did the stripping.
  • goldongoldon Member Posts: 9,054
    edited December 2017
    Mick and his Wife are out food shopping for Christmas when they spot Paddy in a Tent Camped outside the doorway of Iceland Supermarket. Mick, asks Paddy why he's there.!
    I won the Competition, said Paddy. What Competition, asked Mick. !
    The one in the Newspaper, to see Father Christmas ...... I won a five day stay in Iceland.
  • goldongoldon Member Posts: 9,054
    edited January 2018
    Mick is at the Funeral of Paddy and is asked why he died. "Sad said Mick, he was not a youngster anymore and having Marriage difficulties." "Did he have Heart Attack" "No, said Mick." He'd read about this new Impotence treatment Nitroglycerin jel, rub on, based on Dynamite to combat erectile dysfunction. "How did he die from that."! He tied stick to his old chap and lit the fuse.
  • goldongoldon Member Posts: 9,054
    edited January 2018
    OK , as sign of respect for the departed no more Paddy jokes. Harra! Harra! hear u say.

    Paddy went out with a "Bang" not the Explosion he'd hoped for. !
  • TheMadMonkTheMadMonk Member Posts: 294
    edited January 2018
    If you are ever in a crowd of people and you do a silent f@rt,say in a loud voice, I smell popcorn,and everyone will take a good sniff.
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