A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a lad leaning against a wall and idly picking his teeth. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy,
"How much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make around £400 a week, why?
The CEO said,"Wait right here."
He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy £1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."
Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked,
"Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?"
From across the room a voice said,
"Sure - he was the Pizza delivery guy from Domino's and was just waiting to collect the money!"
I know you lot think my jokes are naff I'm irresponsible ... niave ... and gullible ..... but after sending £200 I have just been told I've won the Nigerian Lottery.
I know you lot think my jokes are naff I'm irresponsible ... niave ... and gullible ..... but after sending £200 I have just been told I've won the Nigerian Lottery. Posted by goldon
That's great news.....would you like to invest in a no risk, gold mine on the moon?.
PS I can have the nice glossy forms out to you in no time.
In Response to Re: Joke section. : That's great news.....would you like to invest in a no risk, gold mine on the moon?. PS I can have the nice glossy forms out to you in no time. Posted by tomo_efc
Funny you should mention the moon (gold mine) but think the better investment and the one I was more interested in.......... was the one in uranus. Now thats a Gold Mine.!
Update on my Lottery win; They sent me Email today to confirm my win and when they recieve my £500 release fee they will transfer the One Million Rupies to be in my Bank Account. They are really efficient to already have my bank details. I'm so excited that I've been out booked a Holiday and ordered new car. What a Wonerful year this has started to be. Bet your all jealous now.?
Update on my Lottery win; They sent me Email today to confirm my win and when they recieve my £500 release fee they will transfer the One Million Rupies will be in my Bank Account. They are really efficient to already have my bank details. I'm so excited that I been out booked a Holiday and ordered new car. What a Wonerful year this has started to be. Bet your all jealous now.? Posted by goldon
Well i am for one,sounds to good to be true. Bit of advice, Don't be fooled by any begging letters, or people saying they will give you more money if you give them your bank details there are loads of scammers out there.
"Mick" phones "Paddy" in Ireland and tells him, " get yourself over to England there's money to be made here "The sreets are paved with Gold" Paddy arrives and their walking down Oxford Street and Paddy spots £50 note on the Pavement.! He walks right past it ? "Mick, said to Paddy" why did'nt you pick it up. Well, you're right about the streets being paved with gold........ as I only just got here, " I'll start tomorrow,"
Elderly Married couple lying in bed one evening when the husband starts to fondle her. She is very suprised as he had'nt done that in a long time.! His hands are all over her and she gets quite aroused....... then he suddenly stops.? She was by this time very excited, she said, " Darling that was wonderful why did you stop."! "I found the remote."
Policeman doing his rounds late at night comes across young lady standing in shop doorway with dress tucked up nic nic's round ankles ...... eating fish & chips.! "Policeman, ask's her what the heck she thinks she's doing." "Oh! she said, has that Sailor gone."!
Two Women talking in coffee bar, One tells the other, "My Husband hates my Moaning all the time."! "Oh Dear"! does he,? well, while we're making love............. my Husband wants me to moan more.!
A young man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married.
He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 girls and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”.
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, “Okay Ma, guess which one I’m going to marry.”.
She immediately replies, “The one on the right.”.
“That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you Know?”
Wife driving her Husband to work gets stopped for speeding. Traffic Cop asks for her driving Licence. What did he say, she ask's. "Husband say's, he wants your licence. Officer ask's for her Insurance. "What did he say."! "Husband says , he wants your Insurance." ! "Officer tells Husband, stopped Woman last week looked just like your wife! blind as a bat, deaf as a post, and ugly as sin.! "What did he say"! she asked.! ........... "He thinks he know's you." ?
"Judge", told young offender." "You were caught on CCTV stealing a Gold Watch." ! "What have you got to say for yourself."! I never stole it "Your Honour"? I won it in a Race.! "What Race was that, asked the Judge," "The one between, me, the Owner, and the Police Officer.!
See the "VOICE" is back.! My Wife went for Audition to be on the Show. They told her, you sing like a bird,! she said, "Do you mean a Canary" "No! a Squawking Parrot."
Hot on the heels of the " WIN a HOODIE" Competition. ( big thank you to those that won one and took a Hoodie off our streets) next weeks Competition is to win a ........ "ASYLUM SEEKER" there are plenty to go round so everyone will have a chance to win one. ?
Hot on the heels of the " WIN a HOODIE" Competition. ( big thank you to those that won one and took a Hoodie off our streets) next weeks Competition is to win a ........ "ASYLUM SEEKER" there are plenty to go round so everyone will have a chance to win one. ? Posted by goldon
Comments
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a lad leaning against a wall and idly picking his teeth. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy,
"How much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make around £400 a week, why?
The CEO said,"Wait right here."
He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy £1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."
Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked,
"Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?"
From across the room a voice said,
"Sure - he was the Pizza delivery guy from Domino's and was just waiting to collect the money!"
"I found the remote."
He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 girls and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”.
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, “Okay Ma, guess which one I’m going to marry.”.
She immediately replies, “The one on the right.”.
“That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you Know?”
The mother replies, “I DON'T LIKE HER”.
They told her, you sing like a bird,! she said, "Do you mean a Canary" "No! a Squawking Parrot."