1000 Velocity result Tuesday Great game to watch, and SUPERNOVA ... The girls got class, great result in 3rd !! gg wp
lamipie071£270 + 40 League Points540000 we-r-leeds2£157 + 36 League Points0 SUPERNOVA3£110 + 32 League Points0 harwood074£90 + 28 League Points0 jjim5£73 + 24 League Points0 welp6£60 + 20 League Points0 dino137£50 + 16 League Points0 STEVIEDDJ18£40 + 12 League Points0 gcwin-a9£30 + 8 League Points0 TONY50910£20 + 4 League Points0 stephen52511£10 + 2 League Points0 Scarcrow12£10 + 2 League Points0 Zachariah13£10 + 2 League Points0
So your going to take a flight on an aircraft, some things you should think about before you do !!
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. This is reassuring for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripesheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. ~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire .
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last ..:))
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. !!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whenever I am feeling down you always have a way of brightening my day. Thanks Benny. Posted by Kiwini4u
Cheers Kiwini ....yes m8, to play this game, sometimes you have to have a sense of humour ..glk we'll try to keep smiling .... I have to, being a West ham supporter )
A cop stops a Motorbike for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he ask's the biker his name. 'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'
The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Dingaling. I know -- a funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time, so I stayed to by myself, studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD".
" After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS" . "Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD". "Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Dingaling,MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my MD because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD."
"Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I am Just Fred. '!!
The officer raised his eyebrow's and walked away ....
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
12. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?
13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
14. What hair colour do they put on the driver's licences of bald men?
15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
18. No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
19. Ever wonder about those people who spend £1.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
20. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea, does that mean that one enjoys it?
21. Why if you send something by road it is called a shipment, but when you send it by sea it is called cargo? 22. If a convenience store is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the door?
I urgently needed a day off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought if maybe I acted 'crazy' he would tell me to take off a few days. So, I hung upside down on the ceiling making funny noises.
My co-worker (who is blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, so that the Boss might think I was 'crazy' and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of God are you doing?" I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days." I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, "...And where do you think you're going?"
(You're gonna love this...)
She said, "I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark.."
ollie1£352.35 + 20 League Points522000 bennydip22£202.28 + 16 League Points0 ads503£137.03 + 14 League Points0 mickjenn14£104.40 + 12 League Points0 MADPATDOTC5£91.35 + 10 League Points0 FRANKSCOTT6£78.30 + 8 League Points0 gwengee297£52.20 + 6 League Points0 HOTTMAN8£39.15 + 4 League Points0 GreekFund9£26.10 + 3 League Points0 ooCAIoo10£13.05 + 2 League Points0 KARDKING111£11.09 + 1 League Points0 mental12£11.09 + 1 League Points0 NODOUBT13£11.09 + 1 League Points Great game to play in..so much great banter...congrats to .."ollie" who I had a tough heads up finish with and a special mention to Frankscott gg mate the 'crak' was good .. And of course, me ol mate ..'Mickjenn" ..finished 4th and ive promised him a party in this thread ..The Xfiles" on the 6th November when he gets his 'chat' back !!! .. I cant reveal to much but .. I think we can safely say the wine and women will be plentiful and some funny banter I'm thinking !!! ........yeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh
Mondays 9 00 mtt..1000 gtd result ! ollie 1 £352.35 + 20 League Points 522000 bennydip2 2 £202.28 + 16 League Points 0 ads50 3 £137.03 + 14 League Points 0 mickjenn1 4 £104.40 + 12 League Points 0 MADPATDOTC 5 £91.35 + 10 League Points 0 FRANKSCOTT 6 £78.30 + 8 League Points 0 gwengee29 7 £52.20 + 6 League Points 0 HOTTMAN 8 £39.15 + 4 League Points 0 GreekFund 9 £26.10 + 3 League Points 0 ooCAIoo 10 £13.05 + 2 League Points 0 KARDKING1 11 £11.09 + 1 League Points 0 mental 12 £11.09 + 1 League Points 0 NODOUBT 13 £11.09 + 1 League Points Great game to play in..so much great banter...congrats to .."ollie" who I had a tough heads up finish with and a special mention to Frankscott gg mate the 'crak' was good .. And of course, me ol mate ..'Mickjenn" ..finished 4th and ive promised him a party in this thread ..The Xfiles" on the 6th November when he gets his 'chat' back !!! .. I cant reveal to much but .. I think we can safely say the wine and women will be plentiful and some funny banter I'm thinking !!! ........yeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh Posted by bennydip2
Urgent Public Forum Notice !! EU Directive No. 456179 In order to meet the conditions for joining the Single European currency, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must be made aware that the phrase 'Spending a Penny' is not to be used after 31st December 2009 . From this date, the correct terminology will be: 'Euronating'. Thank you for your attention. Posted by bennydip2
Comments
lol ..no mate please stick it here ..... gkl m8
1000 Velocity result Tuesday
Great game to watch, and SUPERNOVA ...
The girls got class, great result in 3rd !! gg wp
lamipie071£270 + 40 League Points540000 we-r-leeds2£157 + 36 League Points0 SUPERNOVA3£110 + 32 League Points0 harwood074£90 + 28 League Points0 jjim5£73 + 24 League Points0 welp6£60 + 20 League Points0 dino137£50 + 16 League Points0 STEVIEDDJ18£40 + 12 League Points0 gcwin-a9£30 + 8 League Points0 TONY50910£20 + 4 League Points0 stephen52511£10 + 2 League Points0 Scarcrow12£10 + 2 League Points0 Zachariah13£10 + 2 League Points0
So your going to take a flight on an aircraft, some things you should think about before you do !!
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. This is reassuring for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripesheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire
.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last ..:))
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget. !!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the aussies say, " Ave a nice day" !
we'll try to keep smiling .... I have to, being a West ham supporter
CHRISTMAS WILL BE GOOD IN HEAVEN THIS YEAR.....
PATRICK SWAYZ'S DOING THE DANCING!
FARAH FAWCETTS IS THE ANGEL,
STEVEN GATELY WILL BE SINGING THE CAROL'S....
KEITH FLOYDS DOING THE DINNER......
MICHAEL JACKSON WILL BE PLAYING WITH THE KIDS......
"Fred" The Biker !
A cop stops a Motorbike for traveling faster than the posted speed limit,
so he ask's the biker his name.
'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a
break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then
presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The
officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.
'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'
The biker replies,
'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred
Dingaling. I know -- a funny last name. The kids used to tease me all
the time, so I stayed to by myself, studied hard and got good grades. When I got
older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college,
medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was
Fred Dingaling, MD".
" After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I
decided to go back to school.. Dentistry was my dream!
Got all the way through
school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS" . "Got bored
doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she
gave me VD, so now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD".
"Well, the ADA
found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.
Then I was Fred Dingaling,MD, with VD.
Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my MD because
of the VD, so they took away my MD
leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD."
"Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I am Just Fred. '!!
The officer raised his eyebrow's and walked away ....
in tears, and fit's of laughter .!!
The font of all intellectual knowledge and conversation....
With people like you on the forum .. it makes it all worthwhile to spend the time here !!
love the airline tech / pilot post benny, maybe they were working on this one
http://www.stupidvideos.com/video/stunts/Impossible_Landing/#210351
how the pilot lands this plane is a miracle...
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
12. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?
13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
14. What hair colour do they put on the driver's licences of bald men?
15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
18. No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
19. Ever wonder about those people who spend £1.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
20. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea, does that mean that one enjoys it?
21. Why if you send something by road it is called a shipment, but when you send it by sea it is called cargo?
22. If a convenience store is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the door?
My co-worker (who is blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, so that the Boss might think I was 'crazy' and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of God are you doing?" I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days." I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, "...And where do you think you're going?"
(You're gonna love this...)
She said, "I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark.."
Hahahahaa .... Nova you must stop reading this thread ..you'll get as silly as the rest of us !!
But those are very funny........
You are now officially enrolled as FBI agent
"Scully" the red head of the X Files thread !!
ollie1£352.35 + 20 League Points522000 bennydip22£202.28 + 16 League Points0 ads503£137.03 + 14 League Points0 mickjenn14£104.40 + 12 League Points0 MADPATDOTC5£91.35 + 10 League Points0 FRANKSCOTT6£78.30 + 8 League Points0 gwengee297£52.20 + 6 League Points0 HOTTMAN8£39.15 + 4 League Points0 GreekFund9£26.10 + 3 League Points0 ooCAIoo10£13.05 + 2 League Points0 KARDKING111£11.09 + 1 League Points0 mental12£11.09 + 1 League Points0 NODOUBT13£11.09 + 1 League Points
Great game to play in..so much great banter...congrats to .."ollie" who I had a tough heads up finish with and a special mention to Frankscott gg mate the 'crak' was good ..
And of course, me ol mate ..'Mickjenn" ..finished 4th and ive promised him a party in this thread ..The Xfiles" on the 6th November when he gets his 'chat' back !!! .. I cant reveal to much but .. I think we can safely say the wine and women will be plentiful and some funny banter I'm thinking !!! ........yeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh
EU Directive No. 456179
In order to meet the conditions for joining the Single European currency, all
citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must
be made aware that the phrase 'Spending a Penny' is not to be used
after 31st December 2009 .
From this date, the correct terminology will be: 'Euronating'.
Thank you for your attention.