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In difficult times...humour helps!( well me it does)

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    chillingchilling Member Posts: 3,774
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    chillingchilling Member Posts: 3,774
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    goldongoldon Member Posts: 8,548
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    chillingchilling Member Posts: 3,774
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    chillingchilling Member Posts: 3,774
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    chillingchilling Member Posts: 3,774
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    chillingchilling Member Posts: 3,774
    edited April 2020
    A man walks into a bar and notices a jar on the counter filled to the brim with £10 notes.
    There must be at least ten thousand pounds in there he thinks to himself.
    He approaches the bartender and asks “ what’s with the money in the jar?”
    “ Well, you pay £10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar, plus keys to a brand new Mercedes.”
    The man certainly isn’t going to pass this one up, so he asks “ what are the three tests?”.
    “ You gotta pay first, that is the rule.”
    So after thinking it over for a while, the man gives the bartender a £10 note, which gets stuffed into the jar.
    “ Okay” says the bartender,”here’s what you need to do”.
    First- you need to drink two bottles of Tequila inside 60 seconds, without pulling a face.
    “ Secondly,there’s a pit bull chained out back with a bad tooth, which you need to remove using just your bare hands”.
    “ Thirdly, there’s a 90year old lady upstairs who’s never had sex, you have to take care of that problem.”
    The man is stunned! “ I know I paid £10, but you would have to be nuts to drink two bottles of Tequila, and then do those other things”.
    “ Your call” says the bartender,” but your money stays in the jar!
    As time goes on, and the man has a few more drinks, he finally says “ where’s that **** Tequila!!”
    He grabs both bottles, downs them both inside 60 seconds,tears streaming down his face.
    Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole.
    Soon the people inside the bar hear loud growling and screaming, then the sounds of a terrible fight going on,then nothing, total silence.
    Just when they think the man must be surely dead,he staggers back into the bar.
    His clothes are ripped to shreds,and he’s bleeding profusely from bites and gashes all over his body.
    He drunkenly slurs,” now where’s the old women with the bad tooth??”.
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    TheEdge949TheEdge949 Member Posts: 5,283
    chilling said:


    Funny as fk, caught me mid swig

    Just sprayed Stella all over the laptop
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    madprofmadprof Member Posts: 3,305
    @LARSON7 Translate please? ;)
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    chillingchilling Member Posts: 3,774
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    chillingchilling Member Posts: 3,774
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    chillingchilling Member Posts: 3,774
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    chillingchilling Member Posts: 3,774
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    GlenelgGlenelg Member Posts: 6,556
    edited April 2020
    madprof said:

    @LARSON7 Translate please? ;)

    Its a very good rip aff of "To a mouse" by Rabbie Burns.
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    VespaPXVespaPX Member Posts: 12,036
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    chillingchilling Member Posts: 3,774
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    chillingchilling Member Posts: 3,774
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    madprofmadprof Member Posts: 3,305
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    madprofmadprof Member Posts: 3,305
    People go on too much about the privileged background of politicians but actually Matt Hancock had a very humble upbringing in an Italian workshop owned by a woodworker named Geppetto who turned him into a human boy.....
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