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THE CHURCH OF DAZLER

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  • IAMALLIN2IAMALLIN2 Member Posts: 561
    edited August 2009
    Forgive me Dazler for i have sinned

    It`s been a while since my last confession

    I have been having un-clean thoughts about Jessica Alba

    I need your guidence

    Gary
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  • jasonjeggojasonjeggo Member Posts: 67
    edited August 2009
    father daz is it right one of the sisters went to see the doctor today with upset tummy ??? to be told she is pregnant !!!!!!!!
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  • jasonjeggojasonjeggo Member Posts: 67
    edited August 2009

    FATHER PLEASE ANSWER ME !!!!

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  • DazlerDazler Member Posts: 3,970
    edited August 2009
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER:
    father daz is it right one of the sisters went to see the doctor today with upset tummy ??? to be told she is pregnant !!!!!!!!
    Posted by jasonjeggo
    Very stange question indeed, if this were true then it sounds as if you are worried about it, and maybe you have been upto no good, you had better face up to your responsibilities or prey its not yours. This is not a question for the Church of Dazler and i am shocked that you should make an accusation about one of the sisters. Now go and reflect on your blassfamy.
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  • DazlerDazler Member Posts: 3,970
    edited August 2009
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER:
    Forgive me Dazler for i have sinned It`s been a while since my last confession I have been having un-clean thoughts about Jessica Alba I need your guidence Gary
    Posted by IAMALLIN2
    We all do brother IAMALLIN would you care to elaborate on your thoughts and i maybe able to help. I know jessica is very fine indeed and have to admit i would have un-clean thoughts also if she were here. But i must confess she is a little out of your league my son. So i wouldnt bother with these impure thoughts any longer and concentrate on your poker technique instead ;)
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  • annie_dukeannie_duke Member Posts: 545
    edited August 2009
    brother dazler where for art thou?
    an imposter has hacked into your account and is spreading negative vibes into the wider community....
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  • NoseyBonkNoseyBonk Member Posts: 6,186
    edited August 2009
    This is exactly what happened in 'The Omen'! Quick, check his head for a set of sixes..!

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  • annie_dukeannie_duke Member Posts: 545
    edited August 2009
    lol maybe we have to organize coup and send him to the dungeons
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  • DazlerDazler Member Posts: 3,970
    edited August 2009
    LOL you may have to perform an exorcism before my head spins around and i projectile vomit all over my laptop.
    Poker can be an evil game. But fear not my brothers and sisters I asure you i am my loverly positive self just with a few issues at the moment which i shall not bring in to the Church of Dazler and leave that for the other poor misguided souls to comment on.

    In regard to the dungeon a bit of torture and bonda ge could be just what i need ;)
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  • annie_dukeannie_duke Member Posts: 545
    edited August 2009
    lol....Candi.....CANDIIIIII....bring ur whip, we got a job for you....lol
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  • candicandi Member Posts: 2,162
    edited August 2009
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER:
    lol....Candi.....CANDIIIIII....bring ur whip, we got a job for you....lol
    Posted by annie_duke
    Lol Annie...... i am excited.....better go to confession!
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  • candicandi Member Posts: 2,162
    edited August 2009
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER:
    LOL you may have to perform an exorcism before my head spins around and i projectile vomit all over my laptop. Poker can be an evil game. But fear not my brothers and sisters I asure you i am my loverly positive self just with a few issues at the moment which i shall not bring in to the Church of Dazler and leave that for the other poor misguided souls to comment on. In regard to the dungeon a bit of torture and bonda ge could be just what i need ;)
    Posted by Dazler
    ....father please forgive me for i have sinned..i have had impure thoughts about the dungeon and have been excited... i promise i will resist the temptation of my thoughts.....
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  • annie_dukeannie_duke Member Posts: 545
    edited August 2009
    lol candi :)
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  • RESTORMELRESTORMEL Member Posts: 38
    edited August 2009

    Father,

    I pray that you will allow an undeserving novice such as myself the honour of treading the hallowed halls of your great church and tell my heart warming story of faith in adversity. 

    Last night this unworthy fish was granted great reward by the poker gods after witnessing a miracle to rank alongside the parting of the red sea and the feeding of the 5000.  I was seated at the holy table  Harmerton with 5 other devotees engaging in the 5p/10p donation ritual and through strict adherence to the teachings of the blessed apostles, Position and Aggression, had accumulated over £20 worth of donations.  

    Then, without warning...............the wonderment happened.  This unworthy fish was was folded to in the cut off seat and was blessed with:

    JD 9D

    A playable opening hand according to the scriptures of the dark lord Ivey so I raised to 3x the BB.  Lo the Button, a disciple of Saint Nit who had been worshipping the fold button all night, re popped to 9x BB and so my soul reader registered premium hand alert code red and was preparing to activate the fold button.  But the bet is called by the SB(a devotee of the call button) and BB (a serial PF limper and student of the slowplay school)  leaving me to place 6 BB into a pot of 31 BB............Even the master of tight Harrington would call this, so I duly call and anticipate folding to an all black Ace rag flop whilst muttering my “ I had pot odds to call......” incantation.

    The Flop descends from on high:

    10D 6D 8D

    Holy Father Dazler, this can only have been a gift from your great self – these flops only happen to the truly worthy...............there must be some mistake..............  But before I can comprehend this great fortune.........The Small Blind checks and the Big Blind donks £1.10 into the £3.65 pot and before I know it my timer is ticking down................

    Oh how to play this great gift..........am I being tested by the poker gods, If I slowplay will I be punished on the evil streets of turn and river?  If I Re pop, will they all fold?   Ah thinks I, but surely the other devotees at the table have witnessed me liberally raising all night and If as I suspect there are big pairs and possibly sets out there...............they will judge me to be full of the smelly brown and not believe and shoveth in their remaining donations...........

    So I thank you Father Dazler and setting me this test and duly propel a £7 overbet towards the pot in an attempt to look like a semi bluff pot stealing chimp................and the result is a great joy to behold as all 3 remaining devotees push their remaining chips into the pot leaving me to call and top the pot off at £41.36 – 413BBs, surely a holy grail among pots in any book!!

    So Now to the turn.......................

    9H

    A brick of the highest order............I praise the gods again for my good fortune and their kindness.............

    The river.....................

    8S

    Gods teeth................not a card that I wanted to see, surely now at least one of the 3 devotees had a set and his holy boat filleth up.  I gnash and wail at how cruel the gods can be................and I am ashamed to say Father that I took your name in vain as I saw that cursed card fall and felt the pain like a hot poker in my guts..........

    And so with pain and anguish aplenty we await the great final showdown................

    SB – AC 10S

    BB – KD KC

    BUTTON – QD QS

    Praise be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  My flopped flush has resisted the devils of suck out and my unworthy fishness has been blessed with the biggest pot (in terms of Big Blinds) I have ever won. 

    Father Dazler, please forgive me my lack of faith at the showdown and thank you for allowing me - an unworthy fish minion - the opportunity to tell your congregation about my great fortune and pass on the message of your greatness.

    Amen

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  • annie_dukeannie_duke Member Posts: 545
    edited August 2009
    lol very good
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  • beaujolaisbeaujolais Member Posts: 218
    edited August 2009
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER:
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER : Lol Annie...... i am excited.....better go to confession!
    Posted by candi
    lol
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  • IAMALLIN2IAMALLIN2 Member Posts: 561
    edited August 2009
    HOLY FATHER

    I have not replied to the enlightened remarks regarding my impure thoughts of Jessica Alba

    I am pleased to say that these thoughts have now left me.

    Please hear my new confession:

    Holy Father is has been a few days since my last confession.

    I am now having impure thoughts of Sister Candi in the dungeon with a whip and leathers.

    Sister Annie also appears in these impure thoughts.

    I need your guidence holy father

    Brother Gary
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  • candicandi Member Posts: 2,162
    edited August 2009
    ...Dear Father, i have tried so very very hard to resist the temptations of my thoughts but its getting really hard to resist.... can i have the keys please?......pretty please?
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  • NoseyBonkNoseyBonk Member Posts: 6,186
    edited August 2009
    I don't want forgiveness! 
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  • annie_dukeannie_duke Member Posts: 545
    edited August 2009
    In Response to Re: THE CHURCH OF DAZLER:
    ...Dear Father, i have tried so very very hard to resist the temptations of my thoughts but its getting really hard to resist.... can i have the keys please?......pretty please?
    Posted by candi
    i think brother dazler has run off with brother solack :(
    wots us girls to do now with all these whips n chains lol
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