Feeling well below par, but the lure of some Friday night tables was too much to resist.
Within 10 minutes I regretted it.
Some Ukranian reg must've either set out to destroy me, or have taken some speed or something.
3betting every single open, and my weak passive response wasn't cutting the mustard.
I wanted to stand, but I couldn't play 100 hands, lose $15 and quit.
So I stuck at it, and plugged away to get to -$5.
I was content with this, it feels like a small loss, and it's a decent fightback so in a way gives some good momentum going into the really big weekend grind.
So I 'sit out next BB' on all tables, and 5 of the 6 tables close.
Just 1 table left. And it's the penultimate hand before it auto sits me out.
Aces.
................
vazar.poker posts small blind [$0.05]
THE666DOG posts big blind [$0.10]
Fen.ua folds
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to DOHHHHHHH24 [ Ad, Ac ]
HULLKRMAN calls [$0.10]
DOHHHHHHH24 raises [$0.40]
MRn101 folds
kvazar.poker folds
THE666DOG folds
HULLKRMAN calls [$0.30]
** Dealing flop ** [ 4h, 2d, 9s ]
HULLKRMAN checks
DOHHHHHHH24 bets [$0.68]
HULLKRMAN raises [$2.99]
DOHHHHHHH24 calls [$2.31]
** Dealing turn ** [ Td ]
HULLKRMAN bets [$7.33]
DOHHHHHHH24 calls [$7.33]
** Dealing river ** [ 6s ]
** Summary **
HULLKRMAN shows [ Th, 9d ]
DOHHHHHHH24 shows [ Ad, Ac ]
HULLKRMAN collected [ $20.52 ]
It's like the Gods are testing/torturing me on purpose.
With my fragile mental game, the absolute worst thing they could do was let me fight back and then give me that the very last hand of the session.
GL with the weekend grind. VWP on the sobriety. PS What do you think of the soccer saturday boost 7/1 man city west ham and.bournemouth. Im in albeit just for the £5 free bet. Posted by Phantom66
It's the first one for a while that I really like and have bet on.
Of course it is unlikely to win, but I think it wins more than 1 in 8, so lets punt
PS again...
shocking start at cards.
Think the poker Gods, arguably quite rightly, are trying to punish me for even moaning about breaking even.
Logging off tonight feeling probably as low as I ever have about my poker game.
Tonight I just gave up.
For the last 2 hours I've made no attempt to battle with regulars, I've just sat on 6 tables playing totally abc hoping I'm the 1 lucky nit out of the 5 of us on the table that gets the fishes money.
I've been 1 tabling the 'beginners' tables on party alongside the soft late night 888 games, just to get out of the hole.
It's not a nice feeling, and whilst I don't mind 'wasting time' at the micro stakes as long as I'm improving and gaining confidence, if I'm not improving, it becomes a pointless exercise.
I could easily play £5/10 HU sngs for fun and make a fiver an hour in the process.
Something like that just has to be a better option than what I'm doing right now.
Not going to do an idcu and make any emotional "i quit" "im leaving the grind" type posts. But definitely need to think about wether this is worth it.
On the positives, I hit the goal again, and I will at least aim to complete the 8k hands I set out to play this weekend before making any decisions about what I'm going to do going forward.
For now, I am dog tired, and thoroughly fed up
..... We go again tomorrow!
gn.
----
PS. If anyone who knows me 'off forum' wants to wind me up, just say something like "omg you won and you're complaining" coz that will work a treat.
--
PPS
I saw this on 1 of my first tables this morning.
Would probably be the best troll of all time if it was a mate of mine or something.
Hi, congrats on taking a positive step and dumping the booze, I imagine it could well be a lot more significant than the ups and downs of poker in the grand scheme of things.
I've been watching quite a bit of a twitch streamer called mingthemerciless93. He streams 6 max cash game coaching sessions which i've found quite useful. Would be interested to know what you thought of him if you get a chance to look.
No I havent seen Ming before, but the goals this week will be to play less poker and study alot more, so if he's doing some micro coaching for free I will be sure to have a look. Any idea wat times he usually streams?
------
Done!
That was the hardest grind everrrrrrrrrrr.
I woke this morning feeling ok, knowing I needed another 4k hands to hit the weekend goal of 8k.
Played a short session, then took a break, believing everything was under control.
Watched the merseyside derby, had dinner.
Then crashed.
Thought a quick nap would sort me out, but 3 hours later I woke up.
doh.
Grinded most of the last 8 hours with only a few 5 minute breaks,the last 2/3 of which I've been running on empty.
I'm tired, im dizzy, my eyes are watering, my neck is making involuntary movements, but I got there.
This was the last hand of the session....
jeb5000 posts small blind [$0.05]
KEVINTRU posts big blind [$0.10]
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to DOHHHHHHH24 [ 9d, 9h ]
DOHHHHHHH24 raises [$0.30]
Sometime998 folds
marcelpel folds
jeb5000 folds
KEVINTRU calls [$0.20]
** Dealing flop ** [ 6c, 6d, 2h ]
KEVINTRU checks
DOHHHHHHH24 bets [$0.34]
KEVINTRU raises [$0.85]
DOHHHHHHH24 folds
When he click raises me I leant back in my chair, put my hands on my head, sighed, and thought u know what I just can't be bothered to think this through, f it im done!
Is this really how you want to spend a Sunday? Is this really the best use of your time, is this you really enjoying your hobby?
"Grinded most of the last 8 hours with only a few 5 minute breaks,the last 2/3 of which I've been running on empty.
I'm tired, im dizzy, my eyes are watering, my neck is making involuntary movements, but I got there"
Sorry bud, but that makes no sense to me. If you were making £300 per day, or loving the whole experience, well yeah, maybe, but to end up tired, dizzy, eyes watering, & having neck spasms? You are doing yourself harm man. No wonder you end up so tired all the time.
I don't want to be the miserable old so & so who rains on your parade, but when poker gets you like that you need to step back for a few days & have a think.
Underneath everything I'm doing here in poker (and other recent lifestyle changes) there is ulterior motive.
Alot of the stuff I'm doing doesn't look on the outside to make much sense, but everything I do is aimed to rehabilitate my body and mind after 5/6 years of doing literally nothing but drink, and recover from the effects of drinking.
Exercise, outdoor activity, social interaction, poker, without alcohol are 4 of the key areas that I'm prioritising to try and improve, and to do that it means pushing myself harder and harder all the time.
When I first stopped drinking, 150ish days ago I couldn't do 1 minute of very moderate (walking) physical activity without needing to lie down for an hour, couldn't go out or even answer the door without severe anxiety/panic attacks, never really spoke to anyone aside from immediate family, and couldn't play poker without a drink for longer than 10 minutes without feeling very ill.
This weekend I've spent a full day out exploring the delights of Barsnley Town centre, and completed an aggregate of around 18 hours poker.
Everything I do I see as 'money in the bank'.
I didn't particuarly want to get up at 7 after 4 hours sleep and trek aimlessly round Barnsley on a Friday, but I know it's good for me to do so.
I didn't particuarly want to grind myself into the ground till 3am last night and then lie in bed with the room spinning for hours afterways, but I'm hoping it will be good long term for me to do so.
I often refer to it jokingly to friends as 'life rehab'. as that's kind of what it is.
I hit rock bottom in so many aspects of life, and I'm trying to improve them all at the same time, and it's really difficult as they all impact eachother, and of course are all made 100x harder when feeling rubbish which is what held me back for so long (and is still doing so).
I had some professional help last summer.
My experiences with various different councillers and health professionals I must admit wasn't very good.
I absolutely hate having a go at good people trying their best to help me for free, but I have to be honest and say that I was in a very very bad way and I received very little help.
1 thing that did stick from that time though was a thing called exposure therapy.
It's a pretty simple theory, whereby we expose ourself to new things that make us feel uncomfortable (something as simple as sitting in the back garden, or answering the door), and put our bodies through unpleasant experiences.
We keep doing this, and gradually the body re-adjusts to begin to be able to cope with them.
Once we are comfortable, we increase the level exposure etc until we are fully re-habilitated.
I've been 'self coaching' myself in multiple areas of life using this theory.
(finally linking this back to your post now......)
This weekend was another example of me increasing my exposure in the poker environment.
I pushed myself harder than I have done before (admittedly maybe a little too far, the last hour and then the 2 hours immediately after were very distressing).
That 'work' is now banked, and hopefully my mind and body will be better for it long term.
I do agree though, I'm not trying to justify something which was 'too much', because I've barely slept overnight which will cost me any sort of productivity today and maybe tomorrow, and I did risk the experience becoming so bad that it actually knocks me back, something I have to be very weary of with exposure therapy as it's designed to be a VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV slow process.
^^^^ Essay.
To go back to the jigsaw puzzle analogy I used a few weeks ago, I've challenged myself, I struggled alot during the challenge, with lots of negative emotion, but because it was a really stiff test, the rewards and satisfaction of coming through the other side are great.
You'll be pleased to hear there are 0 (zero) poker goals today.
All goals for Tuesday and Wednesday will be aimed at study (groan) and exercise.
The next structured poker grind will be Thursday.
----
I have a couple of fun hands I may post later today, 1 fun story from an 888 webcam table on Saturday night, and may play a few fun MTTs (groan again) tonight to relax and throw some chips around carelessly for once , but aside from that, poker grind content is gg in here for a few days.
Nooooo, I can't see why anyone would not want you to speak your mind. I certainly do appreciate it.
I always genuinely appreciate every reply I get on here, particuarly after posts such as the one above where it's abit 'deep' and no replies for hours makes me a little nervous
If I saw someone post something similar to what I wrote last night, without an explanation as to why they'd do such a thing, I'd like to hink I'd have questioned it too.
And besides, theres always the consolation that a break even rakeback pro @ 200nl on stars has spent 20 hours grinding this weekend and lost 4 grand.
So my measley +$50 with almost 0 risk of losing more than $50 or something doesn't look so bad
------
Anyway, less deep shizzle, more weirdness from the 888 webcam game.....
It's about 10pm Saturday night, I'm new to the table.
I can see from the cams of a couple of players that they're talking to eachother, so I mute kisstory and turn on the table sound to hear what they're saying.
It's a Geordie talking to an Irishman.
Turns out they are discussing the events at the table.
As they are happening
The first major hand involved both.
I 3bet an Irishman open, and get cold 4bet by the Geordie.
Irishman folds.
I shove all in.
Geordie is talking to Irishman whilst deciding wether to call or fold.
"I have King Ace" says the Geordie. "But he's got Kings or Aces"
Call.
"See I told you he had Aces"
(that's ok, lets just do T J Q flop)
River K for DOH 1 time, and the 88% equity hand chopping feels like a win. #storyofmyweekend.
....
On we go....
They're talking about pulling techniques now, with an Irishman tale interrupted when the Geordie opens UTG and says
"shush shush shush, I've got a dirty hand. Well not a dirty hand but its decent"
The Irishman says "ok I will finish the story after this hand ill let you concentrate"
This is abit bizarre for me, as for the first time, they're talking about a hand I'm involved in, as it happens.
I have pocket 3s in the small blind.
Call, right?
Flop = JJ3r.
Our Geordie friend cbets 10c into $10 (another caller pre flop folds and its me v him)
"Have you hit that flop?" asks the Irishman.
"oh man like you wouldn't believe. You have no idea" replies the Geordie.
I have a horrible feeling here.
I raise. Our friend Calls. $3 in the pot.
Turn is a blank 7.
I lead. I know he has at least 3 jacks, why wouldn't I.
He calls.
"Oh My god" claims the Geordie. "This guy is crazy I'm going to stack him" (referring I assume, to me)
"hold on though he had aces last time" replied the Irishman.
"Yeh but watch this...." the Geordie responded.
I'm actually feeling really frickin sick now.
Genuinely considering check/folding 33 on JJ378
I have a pot sized bet left.
I give my head a wobble, and shove.
Mr Geordie snap calls, and rolls over the inevitable pocket jacks.
-----
Probably the most bizarre hand I've ever played.
Raises a talking point I guess, something I didn't even consider at the time, or after. I've just thought about it now.
What would you do re the talking on the game?
They never revealed their hand, just gave away massive tells about their likely holdings.
Would you have told them?
I mean they are aware their audio is on as that's how they are communicating with eachother.
Is it bad form to take advantage? (or at least try to)
Pushing through the pain barrier to develop yourself
I buy that
Short term unhealthy
Yep also
Long term tradeoff tough to say
I guess it depends on how much the short term negatives risk giving you a bigger setback. If a lot then be very careful, if not then why not go for it from time to time. Just make sure you build in plenty of recovery time after the challenge.
At the moment you are focusing on setting targets - and you seem to be achieving them, the 150 days being the most important of all, but the spending a day outside, going to a footie match, saying you will play 8000 hands and getting there are all very important to you.
To us looking in achieving 8000 hands just because you set that target is a bad thing when to get there you are feeling bad about your poker and are physically affected during/after.
I am sure you feel better overall for hitting your target than you would if you had convinced yourself to quit after 4000 hands.
I do of course see Tikays viewpoint as well and I do wonder, an 8k w/e seemed a big step up from your earlier grind targets?
Maybe stick to batches of 2k and stretch that when it is starting to feel more comfortable?
Morning JJ. You know I have your best interests at heart and I honestly and genuinely wish you well....but as this diary has turned a bit deep, I will try to pull it back round by mentioning the mundane stuff....;)
Snooker?......who did you end up watching, and who hit a century break? I love watching the game and I will be hopefully going Sheffield next April to do so.
A big well done too fella on the knocking on the head the drinking. Big respect for that.
Morning JJ. You know I have your best interests at heart and I honestly and genuinely wish you well....but as this diary has turned a bit deep, I will try to pull it back round by mentioning the mundane stuff....;) Snooker?......who did you end up watching, and who hit a century break? I love watching the game and I will be hopefully going Sheffield next April to do so. A big well done too fella on the knocking on the head the drinking. Big respect for that. Posted by MAXALLY
Hi Alan, yeh it is a tad weird talking about non-poker stuff recently, but meh. What's the worst that can happen.
The centurion at the snooker was Anthony Mcgill, up against James Wattanna.
Others in action included Ebdon, Dott, Poomjeang, Joyce, Steadman, and alot of unknown (to me) Asian 'kids'.
Of course the star attraction was Desislava Bozhilova. (yep, the C&P tool was utilised)
It was quite surreal between sessions, there were snooker players walking about everywhere in the foyer. It just seemed really casual, no real sense of occasion or anything, just pretty chilled out.
The crucible I'd imagine is a totally different ball game though.
It's often really tense/nail biting watching through the TV, so to actually be there watching the real big guns on the greatest stage of all must be an awesome experience, I will be making an effort to get to a morning session myself.
Comments
Morning JJ,
Is this really how you want to spend a Sunday? Is this really the best use of your time, is this you really enjoying your hobby?
Sorry bud, but that makes no sense to me. If you were making £300 per day, or loving the whole experience, well yeah, maybe, but to end up tired, dizzy, eyes watering, & having neck spasms? You are doing yourself harm man. No wonder you end up so tired all the time.
I don't want to be the miserable old so & so who rains on your parade, but when poker gets you like that you need to step back for a few days & have a think.
^^^^
Yup, good stuff JJ, & I get all that. I do. Appreciate the honest explanation. It all makes sense.
I won't bang on about it, & I know I've probably made a few enemies already (what's new?) by speaking my mind as I did.
Anyway, whatever - please don't go to those extremes again. It is NOT healthy, whatever way you look at it.
Call.
(that's ok, lets just do T J Q flop)
"Have you hit that flop?" asks the Irishman.
Agree with everyone really, including Doh.
And no, I'm not an expert, by any means.
But this is deffo a step too far, whatever the ulterior motive.
"I'm tired, im dizzy, my eyes are watering, my neck is making involuntary movements, but I got there"